living on the edge.
It's quicker than getting load dataI thought growing old would take longer!
Woman Stops Alligator Attack Using a Small 22 cal. Beretta Pistol
This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator. What's the smallest caliber that you would trust to protect yourself? Here's her story in her own words:
"While out walking along the edge of a pond just outside my house in the Villages with my soon-to-be ex-husband, discussing property settlement and other divorce issues, we were surprised by a huge 12-ft. alligator which suddenly emerged from the murky water. It began charging us with its large jaws wide open. She must have been protecting her nest because she was extremely aggressive.
If I had not had my little Beretta 22 caliber pistol with me, I would not be here today! Just one shot to my estranged husband's knee cap was all it took. The gator got him easily, and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace. The amount I saved in lawyer's fees was really incredible and his life insurance was a big bonus!”
Epic! And hilarious!The Presbyterian Church called a meeting to decide what to do about an infestation of squirrels. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and the Church should not interfere with God's Divine will.
Meanwhile at the Baptist Church, the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistry. The deacons met and decided to put in a water slide in the hope that the squirrels would drown. Unfortunately, the squirrels liked the slide and knew instinctively how to swim. As a result, twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.
The Lutheran Church decided that they weren't in a position to harm any of God's creatures. So, they humanely trapped the squirrels and set them free near the Baptist church. Two weeks later the squirrels were all back because the Baptists took down their water slide.
The Episcopalians tried a unique solution-- they set out pans of whiskey around their church in an effort to kill the squirrels with alcohol poisoning. Sadly, they learned how much damage a band of drunk squirrels can do.
The Catholic Church came up with a very creative idea. They baptized all the squirrels and made them members of the church. Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter.
Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue, however. They had taken the first squirrel and circumcised him. They haven't seen another squirrel since.
THE UMBRELLA - A TOUCHING STORY
On a rainy afternoon in New York City, a group of protesters were gathered outside the grocery store handing out pamphlets on the “evils” of America.
I politely declined to take one.
There was an elderly woman behind me and a young (20-ish) female protester offered her a pamphlet, which she also politely declined.
The young protester gently put her hand on the old woman's shoulder and in a patronizing voice said, "Don't you care about the children of Iraq or our poor children in America?"
The old woman looked up at her and said: "Honey, my father died in France during World War II, I lost my husband in Korea, and a son in Vietnam. All three died so a naïve, privileged, ignorant, self-centered bimbo like you would have the right to stand here and badmouth our country.
Now if you touch me again, I'll shove this umbrella up your ass
and open it."
Sorry. I'll slap the back of my hand with a spoon.Redundant threads merged.