What Is The Deal With Farts?

[Wolfwood]

My Toy Fox Terrier is losing his puppy hair and his pink skin is showing through the thinning hair. I call him my little gay dog and ask him if he needs to go cruising Montrose. On second thought, the way he goes after a nipple of any sort, maybe he's celebrating "Breast Awareness Week!"

Flash

lol

hard not to be aware of breasts here in NB this time of year.

 

[TrailDust]

to guys, of the homosexual persuasion are takign a cab to "The Man Hole" in austin, across the street from Texas1911's house, after having mexican food at DC's house.

I note your creativity with that joke.

 

[Wolfwood]

heheh
>=)

 

[Texas Solo]

"What is your dream location to cut one?"

Damn, so many places, so little gas!
How about in the security line at the airport?
I have a hilarious video about this subject, but it's too big to attach.

 

[Farmboy Marine]

I'm lactose intolerant so if I eat cheese or some other sort of dairy product, it's on like Donkey-Kong. You know those milk-farts that babies let loose? Yeah, think of that but the equivalent of a 5'7", 160-pound baby.

On that note, has anyone ever had to fart but held it in so that it "charges up"? Like, you gotta let one go, but you decide to let it bake for a little longer so it grows exponentially? Well, I like doing that on long road trips when I'm driving with a car full of people and I can lock the windows. I just press that child-safety button so only the driver can roll down the windows, turn the A/C off, then fumigate the cabin.

 

[Farmboy Marine]

ok well that joke reminded me of another joke.

Two gay lovers go on a skiing trip in the mountains. Tragically, one of them accidentally hits a tree Sonny Bono-style and dies on the spot. Grief-stricken, his partner has his body shipped back to their home in San Francisco to prepare a funeral.

Once home, he talks to the undertaker to discuss the manner in which he wants his dead partner disposed of. After a long conversation, the gay man decides that he wants his lover cremated and mixed into a bowl of the spiciest chili anyone can make. Confused, the undertaker asks him why he picked such an unorthodox processing.

Through tears and sobs, the gay man sorrowfully replies, "I just want to be able to feel him tear up my ass one last time."

 

[AcidFlashGordon]

Farts are inherently funny. It can be worse when you're standing at the urinal doing your business and someone wanders to one of the other ones and while trying to squeeze out that last drop rips off with a siren-loud, nearly ultrasonic squeeker. I had to hold my breath until the guy left because I didn't want to be standing there giggling like a loon with him in the area.

And then there are those who say "women don't fart...they poot." Poot?? Whoever said that never met my ex-wife. She could rattle the windows on a bad day, let alone what she could do on a good one.

 

[Beebe]

the vatican.

I cussed in the Vatican once. I was trying to take a picture of "David" and it's behind glass. Knowing my flash would produce a giant glare in the middle of the photo I removed it from it's base on the camera and held it in my hand (sync cord still attached). Little did I know my thumb was touching the metal pins underneath and when I took the picture it zapped the "Shit!" out of me!

 

[Texas Solo]

Texas penal code 42,01 Disorderly Conduct:

a) A person commits an offense if he intentionally or knowingly:

3) creates, by chemical means, a noxious and unreasonable odor in a public place

 

[Wolfwood]

Two gay lovers go on a skiing trip in the mountains. Tragically, one of them accidentally hits a tree Sonny Bono-style and dies on the spot. Grief-stricken, his partner has his body shipped back to their home in San Francisco to prepare a funeral.

Once home, he talks to the undertaker to discuss the manner in which he wants his dead partner disposed of. After a long conversation, the gay man decides that he wants his lover cremated and mixed into a bowl of the spiciest chili anyone can make. Confused, the undertaker asks him why he picked such an unorthodox processing.

Through tears and sobs, the gay man sorrowfully replies, "I just want to be able to feel him tear up my ass one last time."

Ohh man. thats baaad. Roflmao

 

[Wolfwood]

I cussed in the Vatican once. I was trying to take a picture of "David" and it's behind glass. Knowing my flash would produce a giant glare in the middle of the photo I removed it from it's base on the camera and held it in my hand (sync cord still attached). Little did I know my thumb was touching the metal pins underneath and when I took the picture it zapped the "Shit!" out of me!

epic!

 

[Wolfwood]

Texas penal code 42,01 Disorderly Conduct:

a) A person commits an offense if he intentionally or knowingly:

3) creates, by chemical means, a noxious and unreasonable odor in a public place

Prove me guilty! i dare ya.
i cant control myself...

 

[ROGER4314]

When I was teaching, a kid named Billy could clear my entire classroom. When I say "clear the classroom", I mean every person evacuated.....including me!

Flash

 

[AcidFlashGordon]

I think this one is older than the internet because it's been around for so long but it's still funny.

YouTube - Blind Date Farting

 

[MR Redneck]

I like to save my farts for later!! When I working on something, there is always some dumbass that wants to walk up behind me and ask stupid questions!!!
I save my farts up so I can blow them away!!! Every now and then, I almost find me a sucker that will want to throw down..
Farts can be use for multiple reasons. Self defence, clearing a room, or just down right being a asshole!!! I am good at them all..
My favorite fart weapons are used in public places. I like going to the grocery store on letting them loose on those people that drag ass and wont get out of my way. I can let one lose and just make a trip down another lane and come right back. Them sucker will get in a hurry and get out of the way then..
Years ago, me and my brother hauled ass to the Carlsbad Caverns one weekend. We were all gassed up. We were trying to be polite and let the crowds get in frontt of us. The caverns attract people from all over the world. That day , some Frenchy people were there. They make me sick to hear them speek!! My brothers were standing beside them as I walked by. I let one of them Budwiser BBQ farts out and slipped on passed everybody!!! All those people were dying from the fumes!! I can proudly say, I gave them Frenchy people a big ol Texas sized welcome !!!