Facebook and teens: prefer parents but all welcome

[txinvestigator]

Interested in your thoughts and opinions.

 

[majormadmax]

While my organization preaches the "horrors" of social networks, they exist and younger generations love 'em!

As such, it makes more sense to teach your kids the proper way to utilize them, warn them of the risks and dangers; and trust them to make the right decisions.

My 14-yr-old son has a Facebook page, and we're "friends" on it. I have about two hundred "friends" total (most of which are from when I graduated high school 30 years ago), he has well over double that. I occasionally look at the posts on his "wall," but for the most part I don't interfere with it.

We figure it they don't use Facebook, they'd be texting each other all the time (they still do anyway!). It's no different than us being on the phone for hours when we were teens, or hanging out at the local convenience store playing pinball.

You gotta let kids be kids...within reason!

Cheers! M2

 

[Rum Runner]

I don't have to deal with that yet, but my brother had the following rules which seemed to work well: You could only be friends with people you have met IRL. Mom & Dad have the username and password and can spot check as needed.

Note: I don't know at what age it was allowed with these conditions...I am thinking High School, but I could be wrong.

 

[scgstuff]

My thoughts.....it is a cool thing for kids to have. But, it should be monitored by a responsible adult.

My kids each have facebook accounts that I created for them with the following rules:

a) The email addresses associated with them are not their e-mail addresses. Mywife and I have those e-mail accounts so we can see anything coming or going from their facebook.

b) I setup and control the password for the account. I should be able to login whenever I want to see what is going on.

c) They can friend anyone that is in their classes at school or theyparticipate in extracurricular events with. Anyone else needs to be approved byme first.

d) If I do not like something their friends are posting on their wall, Iwill delete it.

e) If I do not like something their friends are posting on their wall orother peoples walls and I have deleted individuals posts in the past, the friend is de-friended.

Facebook allows them to stay in touch with friends now that we have moved and many friends in this area have moved (military tends to do that a bit...).I am very overprotective when it comes to stuff like that and the kids can losethe privilege in an instant.

 

[M. Sage]

Not a parent, but my thoughts:

Age isn't what matters. Maturity is. But even with a more mature kid, I'd set conditions. Parent must be a "friended", and be able to view things the teen does on Facebook. I'd also suggest that the parent get a copy of the login info with the stipulation that it will only be used if there's suspicion.

If you distrust your kids enough that you'd do "spot checks" on their FB account, don't let them get one.

 

[scgstuff]

If you distrust your kids enough that you'd do "spot checks" on their FB account, don't let them get one.

It's not distrust of my kids, it's distrust of the other people. My kids are good about pointing out things they think are inappropriate, I would just rather see it have the ability and them have the knowledge that I can and will spot check at random.

 

[winchster]

My daughters only had a few rules. Number one on the list was no location and that was followed up with location services on their iPhones was turned off for the camera. No need putting your gps coordinates in the metadata and uploading to fb. I primarily relied on their maturity level in terms of who they friended. After long conversations about who trolls the web looking for pretty little girls. Language was the only other one, due to me and their grandparents being able to see it.

 

[M. Sage]

It's not distrust of my kids, it's distrust of the other people. My kids are good about pointing out things they think are inappropriate, I would just rather see it have the ability and them have the knowledge that I can and will spot check at random.

I'll admit that I don't have kids, so my opinion is probably not worth a lot.

Just for clarity: By spot checks, I mean logging in to their account. By all means, I think that you should follow their feed religiously with your own account.

 

[Bithabus]

How would you prevent a teenager from signing up for a facebook account?

 

[scgstuff]

How would you prevent a teenager from signing up for a facebook account?

They are allowed after 13, nothing you can do to prevent it. It is a matter of your kids listening to you, and with computers at school, smart phones, etc. they can find a way if they want. That is why I think it is best to be involved with it and keep an eye on them.

 

[M. Sage]

From what I understand, FB is blocked on most school computers (ask). Smart phones? You have control. Home computer? You have control.

 

[matefrio]

You have the username and password and do spot checks, everything is fine. Had a 16 year old niece that was playing two guys against each other encouraging physical fights. I made a call to some uninformed parents.

I'd consider her a nice girl overall. Just got careless, immature and inconsiderate.

Edited to add my kids won't have access to FB till at least the dating age in my home of 16 years old.

 

[majormadmax]

Yeah, hyper-control your kids and then be surprised when they rebel at the first opportunity.

Instead, how about treating them like young adults and letting them make their own decisions after you've taught them right and wrong? Sure, they still require a little monitoring, but I think it is preferable to give them the knowledge and authority to police themselves (within limits) than to shield them from everything that could be dangerous in the world.

Don't get me wrong, I am an overly-protective parent as well; but I also know one day my sons will go out into the world on their own and I want them equipped with the skills to survive in it without depending on me for everything.

When it comes to Facebook, you can find a pretty good guide to security on it here:

Guide to Facebook Security

But trust me, no matter how hard you try to prevent it; your kids will grow up one day and have a life of their own. Your job is to prepare them for that day. You can't protect them forever!

Cheers! M2

 

[Jon Payne]

My late daughter Bliss, was interviewed by a local newspaper about Myspace in 2006, Teens race to Myspace » Local News » orangeleader.com (Orange, Texas) . It's not Facebook, but I think it still applies. Bliss was killed by a wreckless driver Dec. 2008. The man responsible for her death is still incarcerated.

 

[Rum Runner]

My late daughter Bliss, was interviewed by a local newspaper about Myspace in 2006, Teens race to Myspace » Local News » orangeleader.com (Orange, Texas) . It's not Facebook, but I think it still applies. Bliss was killed by a wreckless driver Dec. 2008. The man responsible for her death is still incarcerated.

Thank you for sharing and keeping her memory alive.

 

[txinvestigator]

My late daughter Bliss, was interviewed by a local newspaper about Myspace in 2006, Teens race to Myspace » Local News » orangeleader.com (Orange, Texas) . It's not Facebook, but I think it still applies. Bliss was killed by a wreckless driver Dec. 2008. The man responsible for her death is still incarcerated.

My condolences Jon.

 

[Jon Payne]

I appreciate the condolences, I hope her interview gave you some insight. She told me about the news story after she had done it.

My condolences Jon.

 

[majormadmax]

Here is a short but well-done training website on Social Networking Sites...

Social Network Training

It's geared toward military personnel and their families, but it is applicable to anyone and everyone who uses SNS.

Cheers! M2

 

[ROGER4314]

If you distrust your kids enough that you'd do "spot checks" on their FB account, don't let them get one.

I'm a retired teacher and I supervised teenagers for 22 years in computer labs. Teens can not decide "how much" is appropriate. That ranges from driving speed, computer use, language, money..........whatever. They don't have the life experience to decide those things for themselves so you, as the parent, must do it for them.

For over two decades, I saw the "good" kids-cheerleaders, FB players, and academics pull scams on their parents because they were trusted and the parents assumed that they would do the right thing. That's horseshxt. Check, verify, recheck and investigate. They'll hate that but as long as they live under your roof, that is your job. Their lives depend on it and if they survive, they will become exactly that type of parent themselves. They will swear they won't....but they will parent with a strong hand. It may be 20 years later, but they will one day admit that you were right.

Flash

 

[Vaquero]

I pay for the ISP. I'll cut it off if I find something I don't like.
Pretty simple. Cable TV and cell phone too.
Yeah, check on 'em and let 'em know you do.