Avoiding Confrontation

[Shorts]

It's odd that you're still more concerned about court than killing someone. "Next time"? Have you learned NOTHING?

I'd suggest a thread lock, mods.

IMO the OP made a good thread in order to start learning and is asking the right questions. If it stays on topic it needs to stay open. It is a good conversation to have. His other thread did get locked. I'd hate for the guy to get discouraged by having all his threads shut down. He needs to have an opportunity to learn. You are right that he's got some learning to do. His thought process and speech patterns won't change overnight. Cut the guy a little slack. If he doesn't learn this stuff from us, he'll go elsewhere. And who knows if that elsewhere will actually be helpful. In this case, him saying "for next time" is just generally referring to the future, like 'for future reference'. Give the kid a break.




Boy, I'm uncharacteristically compassionate tonight. Who am I?

 

[BIGPAPIGREG]

IMO the OP made a good thread in order to start learning and is asking the right questions. If it stays on topic it needs to stay open. It is a good conversation to have. His other thread did get locked. I'd hate for the guy to get discouraged by having all his threads shut down. He needs to have an opportunity to learn. You are right that he's got some learning to do. His thought process and speech patterns won't change overnight. Cut the guy a little slack. If he doesn't learn this stuff from us, he'll go elsewhere. And who knows if that elsewhere will actually be helpful. In this case, him saying "for next time" is just generally referring to the future, like 'for future reference'. Give the kid a break.




Boy, I'm uncharacteristically compassionate tonight. Who am I?

agreed.....so far

 

[Dcav]

agreed.....so far

As do I. I also stand by what I said when I locked the first post. You have some serious growing up to do. Learn from the mistakes you made and grow from them.

 

[BIGPAPIGREG]

as do i. I also stand by what i said when i locked the first post. You have some serious growing up to do. Learn from the mistakes you made and grow from them.

^^^^this^^^^

 

[alaska1996]

I've gotten a bit wiser these last couple of days. My dad has changed his view a bit as well. Thanks to all who were considerate and understanding, everyone else, I don't know what to say. Well i'm gonna be busy the next week, 8' tall barb wire fence should prevent this from happening again. Thanks again everything was really helpful.

 

[Mreed911]

I've gotten a bit wiser these last couple of days. My dad has changed his view a bit as well. Thanks to all who were considerate and understanding, everyone else, I don't know what to say. Well i'm gonna be busy the next week, 8' tall barb wire fence should prevent this from happening again. Thanks again everything was really helpful.

What happens when you're of age and outside the fence?

 

[BIGPAPIGREG]

I've gotten a bit wiser these last couple of days. My dad has changed his view a bit as well. Thanks to all who were considerate and understanding, everyone else, I don't know what to say. Well i'm gonna be busy the next week, 8' tall barb wire fence should prevent this from happening again. Thanks again everything was really helpful.

good luck

 

[stdreb27]

Technically the term you may be looking for is "Conflict Resolution Skills".

I'm not an instructor but here's what I've learned.

It's a process where you first learn your own "fish hooks and bait" that get you on the line of being angry, aggressive, afraid and "loose it" and how to avoid those.

Second part of the process is learning to read verbal and nonverbal cues from the other person.

Third part is learning how to communicate the right verbal and non verbal responses that help a person calm down.

I'd say fourth is identifying when it's too late for normal communication and time for fight or flight.

Another thing is to avoid the word "you", You'd be surprised how taking "you" out of your vernacular when dealing with a conflict will calm things down.

People get all worked up when pointing fingers. When you say something but don't assign blame. It works wonders.

 

[ROGER4314]

I'm a very polite person and that defuses a lot of trouble. I try not to heat up the situation or make it worse. I might even retreat. Once it's clear that the guy is not going to back off, and shit is going to go down, I don't wait for him to bring it to me. I'll turn, start it myself and be all over the guy. When I remove my glasses, I've made the decision.

Flash

 

[Shorts]

I've gotten a bit wiser these last couple of days. My dad has changed his view a bit as well. Thanks to all who were considerate and understanding, everyone else, I don't know what to say. Well i'm gonna be busy the next week, 8' tall barb wire fence should prevent this from happening again. Thanks again everything was really helpful.

The fence around the property is a good start for home security. I would also put up 'No trespassing' signs as it changes trespass to criminal trespass. The sign serves as notice for Criminal Trespass: PENAL CODEÂ*Â*CHAPTER 30. BURGLARY AND CRIMINAL TRESPASS

Which means it would be a criminal violation vs a civil violation (without a posted notice) for someone to be on your property without consent.

 

[preyn2]

Once upon a time, I was the recipient of several conversations that started "Boy, go mow (chop oleanders/build fence/trim trees/chop wood/etc) until you learn to shut up so I don't have to whip your ass."

Good fences make good neighbors. And when you're driving through the neighborhood with your spiffy new drivers license, remember your neighbors' kids might be playing in or near the streets.

 

[alaska1996]

Another thing is to avoid the word "you", You'd be surprised how taking "you" out of your vernacular when dealing with a conflict will calm things down.

People get all worked up when pointing fingers. When you say something but don't assign blame. It works wonders.

Very good point. I never even thought of that.

 

[alaska1996]

I'm a very polite person and that defuses a lot of trouble. I try not to heat up the situation or make it worse. I might even retreat. Once it's clear that the guy is not going to back off, and shit is going to go down, I don't wait for him to bring it to me. I'll turn, start it myself and be all over the guy. When I remove my glasses, I've made the decision.

Flash

It started going downhill when he pulled me out from under the truck. If I would have been very polite to begin with and even try walking away, and he attacks me then. Were do I draw the line? If I done everything in my power to defuse the situation.

 

[alaska1996]

The fence around the property is a good start for home security. I would also put up 'No trespassing' signs as it changes trespass to criminal trespass. The sign serves as notice for Criminal Trespass: PENAL CODEÂ*Â*CHAPTER 30. BURGLARY AND CRIMINAL TRESPASS

Which means it would be a criminal violation vs a civil violation (without a posted notice) for someone to be on your property without consent.

Didn't know the signs made a difference, thought trespassing was just that.
How bout a 4',4' sign. Or should I go even bigger.

 

[RetArmySgt]

Didn't know the signs made a difference, thought trespassing was just that.
How bout a 4',4' sign. Or should I go even bigger.

Read this it is the law in Texas:
§ 30.05. CRIMINAL TRESPASS. (a) A person commits an offense if he enters or remains on or in property, including an aircraft or other vehicle, of another without effective consent or he enters or remains in a building of another without effective consent and he:
(1) had notice that the entry was forbidden; or
(2) received notice to depart but failed to do so.
(b) For purposes of this section:
(1) "Entry" means the intrusion of the entire body.
(2) "Notice" means:
(A) oral or written communication by the owner or someone with apparent authority to act for the owner;
(B) fencing or other enclosure obviously designed to exclude intruders or to contain livestock;
(C) a sign or signs posted on the property or at the entrance to the building, reasonably likely to come to the attention of intruders, indicating that entry is forbidden;
(D) the placement of identifying purple paint marks on trees or posts on the property, provided that the marks are:
(i) vertical lines of not less than eight inches in length and not less than one inch in width;
(ii) placed so that the bottom of the mark is not less than three feet from the ground or more than five feet from the ground; and
(iii) placed at locations that are readily visible to any person approaching the property and no more than:
(a) 100 feet apart on forest land; or
(b) 1,000 feet apart on land other than forest land; or
(E) the visible presence on the property of a crop grown for human consumption that is under cultivation, in the process of being harvested, or marketable if harvested at the time of entry.
(3) "Shelter center" has the meaning assigned by Section 51.002, Human Resources Code.
(4) "Forest land" means land on which the trees are potentially valuable for timber products.
(5) "Agricultural land" has the meaning assigned by Section 75.001, Civil Practice and Remedies Code. (6) "Superfund site" means a facility that:
(A) is on the National Priorities List established under Section 105 of the federal Comprehensive Environmental Response, Compensation, and Liability Act of 1980 (42 U.S.C. Section 9605); or
(B) is listed on the state registry established under Section 361.181, Health and Safety Code.
(7) "Critical infrastructure facility" means one of the following, if completely enclosed by a fence or other physical barrier that is obviously designed to exclude intruders:
(A) a chemical manufacturing facility;
(B) a refinery;
(C) an electrical power generating facility, substation, switching station, electrical control center, or electrical transmission or distribution facility;
(D) a water intake structure, water treatment facility, wastewater treatment plant, or pump station;
(E) a natural gas transmission compressor station;
(F) a liquid natural gas terminal or storage facility;
(G) a telecommunications central switching office;
(H) a port, railroad switching yard, trucking terminal, or other freight transportation facility;
(I) a gas processing plant, including a plant used in the processing, treatment, or fractionation of natural gas; or
(J) a transmission facility used by a federally licensed radio or television station.
(c) It is a defense to prosecution under this section that the actor at the time of the offense was a fire fighter or emergency medical services personnel, as that term is defined by Section 773.003, Health and Safety Code, acting in the lawful discharge of an official duty under exigent circumstances.
(d) An offense under Subsection (e) is a Class C misdemeanor unless it is committed in a habitation or unless the actor carries a deadly weapon on or about the actor's person during the commission of the offense, in which event it is a Class A misdemeanor. An offense under Subsection (a) is a Class B misdemeanor, except that the offense is a Class A misdemeanor if:
(1) the offense is committed:
(A) in a habitation or a shelter center;
(B) on a Superfund site; or
(C) on or in a critical infrastructure facility; or
(2) the actor carries a deadly weapon on or about his person during the commission of the offense.
(e) A person commits an offense if without express consent or if without authorization provided by any law, whether in writing or other form, the person:
(1) enters or remains on agricultural land of another;
(2) is on the agricultural land and within 100 feet of the boundary of the land when apprehended; and (3) had notice that the entry was forbidden or received notice to depart but failed to do so.
(f) It is a defense to prosecution under this section that:
(1) the basis on which entry on the property or land or in the building was forbidden is that entry with a handgun was forbidden; and
(2) the person was carrying a concealed handgun and a license issued under Subchapter H, Chapter 411, Government Code, to carry a concealed handgun of the same category the person was carrying.

 

[Dhayes]

Hotpockets?! What time are we meeting? I'll bring the Mountain Dew.

OMG! I'd be there if I were not so far away. Except I'd have to drink Diet 'Dew (Diabetic)

 

[Dhayes]

Yes, I hate to admit it. If there's an actual sleepover I'll bring the Mad Libs...

Those are CLASSIC! I may have to buy a plane ticket. After the sleepover, I can go Hog hunting. Maybe this time I'll get one

 

[Dhayes]

Look at all the good things in your life, now realize that you will lose all of that, and end up behind bars if you don't handle the situation right. Now imagine what you will have to put up with while you are behind bars. Don't let someone cause you to lose it all. Keep your cool, and you're the winner of any argument

^^^^THIS logic has saved me from letting myself do something in a moment of anger^^^^^

 

[SIG_Fiend]

1) Learn to read body language

2) Do some research on "Verbal Judo". It goes by many other names, but it's all the same basic concept. What you say, how you say it, and the way you deliver it can have a drastic effect on the way situations play out. This subject can go as deep as body posture, mannerisms, etc.

*Something to note here. The adage, "Look like meat and you're going to get eaten.", has a lot of truth to it. On the flip side, sometimes you can appear the exact opposite and get yourself in trouble. Sometimes, with some people, acting very "fearless" can have the same effect. Sometimes it's as simple as looking a criminal/thug right in the eyes that's enough to start a fight. You can be confident without necessarily provoking people. It's not always chest out, nose up high, acting like a badass. People have a tendency to take things to extremes sometimes.

3) Learn some humility

4) Learn to swallow your own ego. You don't always have to be right. Sometimes, it may suck and you may have to let the other guy think he "won" the argument. Take a note from Sun Tzu: "The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting." There's about another hundred quotes from him on the matter, all totally relevant to today.

5) In fact, read Sun Tzu's The Art of War. Learn some philosophical points behind the "warrior mindset". Lots of classical education on the matter can be very enlightening as to how to mold one's self and conduct yourself in public.

5) Learn pre-fight indicators. You can't work your way out of every situation. Sometimes it's inevitable, and you want to be able to read it so you can hopefully see it coming. When it's go time, go BIG and destroy your opponent (within the bounds of the law of course). Don't be timid, and hesitation isn't an option. Hesitation can be eliminated with training, repetition, and building subconscious competence. You have to think about and practice these things often, to get there.

6) To the extent possible, choose your surroundings and structure the environment to your advantage. There is a lot of other good advice in this thread. There is a complex meaning behind this one. Think strategically. Is it necessarily the wisest thing, on a Friday or Saturday night at 2:00am, taking the trip down to the local Taco Cabana for that late night snack? Maybe in your area, no big deal. For some others, maybe it means a very likely encounter with some less than desirable people. Plan ahead. Either don't go, go early, choose a time that is to your advantage, etc. We usually have a lot of choices available, but we need to see farther ahead than what is right in front of us.

 

[kyletxria1911a1]

1) Learn to read body language

2) Do some research on "Verbal Judo". It goes by many other names, but it's all the same basic concept. What you say, how you say it, and the way you deliver it can have a drastic effect on the way situations play out. This subject can go as deep as body posture, mannerisms, etc.

*Something to note here. The adage, "Look like meat and you're going to get eaten.", has a lot of truth to it. On the flip side, sometimes you can appear the exact opposite and get yourself in trouble. Sometimes, with some people, acting very "fearless" can have the same effect. Sometimes it's as simple as looking a criminal/thug right in the eyes that's enough to start a fight. You can be confident without necessarily provoking people. It's not always chest out, nose up high, acting like a badass. People have a tendency to take things to extremes sometimes.

3) Learn some humility

4) Learn to swallow your own ego. You don't always have to be right. Sometimes, it may suck and you may have to let the other guy think he "won" the argument. Take a note from Sun Tzu: "The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting." There's about another hundred quotes from him on the matter, all totally relevant to today.

5) In fact, read Sun Tzu's The Art of War. Learn some philosophical points behind the "warrior mindset". Lots of classical education on the matter can be very enlightening as to how to mold one's self and conduct yourself in public.

5) Learn pre-fight indicators. You can't work your way out of every situation. Sometimes it's inevitable, and you want to be able to read it so you can hopefully see it coming. When it's go time, go BIG and destroy your opponent (within the bounds of the law of course). Don't be timid, and hesitation isn't an option. Hesitation can be eliminated with training, repetition, and building subconscious competence. You have to think about and practice these things often, to get there.

6) To the extent possible, choose your surroundings and structure the environment to your advantage. There is a lot of other good advice in this thread. There is a complex meaning behind this one. Think strategically. Is it necessarily the wisest thing, on a Friday or Saturday night at 2:00am, taking the trip down to the local Taco Cabana for that late night snack? Maybe in your area, no big deal. For some others, maybe it means a very likely encounter with some less than desirable people. Plan ahead. Either don't go, go early, choose a time that is to your advantage, etc. We usually have a lot of choices available, but we need to see farther ahead than what is right in front of us.

well put!!!