Way too old to take a beating

[Steve M]

For most guys who haven't seriously considered their personal defense, their mental image of the fight is usually of the last fight they were in, which for many was apparently grade school.

Look guys, that pimply-faced bully you fought back then has served two stretches in the Hunstville Unit and bench presses 300lbs now. Bad guys by definition "fight dirty" and use "treachery" too. If you don't have any training he is likely to take a lot more than your milk money next time.

 

[ROGER4314]

WOW! You guys are straight up honest! The level of honesty in this thread is impressive!

Sterling, I faced the same issues. I'm 65 and can't (and won't) compete with the young folks. The problem is that I can't run. I would run away from a fight, but I can't. I need to stand my ground because I can't run away anyway.

I adapted to things that I could do at my age. I trained with CaneMaster canes. If you haven't seen what those canes can do, check it out! I also have my CHL and carry every day. I leave the scrapping to the young folks. I still have a lot of the skills, have lots of training and "hands on" experience but, like you, I don't heal very well, either.

Even more troubling, is the conflict within myself. I've written many times here about the violence of my past and it bothers me that I was like that. Like the song about the old Hippie....."I'm not that way any more!" My life has two parts: with drugs and alcohol and without. I grew up, got clean, got smart and I'm not that way any more. Half of my life was in the dark side. Half of my life has been in the light. It's hard to be who I am and still acknowledge what I was.

I am a gentle person who loves, is kind, helps people, is a great friend, generous and loyal to a fault. I like flowers, little dogs and have terrific friends and neighbors. I love to take pictures of scenery and birds/wild life and never drink or take drugs. I obey the law, love my country, our military men and women and cry when I hear our national anthem. I would lay down my life without question for my country.

It's hard to accept that I was the brutal, thieving, law breaking, antisocial, angry bastard that I was. When I worked in the prison system, I saw thousands of men who were incarcerated for the same things I used to do. That's hard to take knowing that I belonged in there with the Offenders! Still.........with the world being how it is, being able to apply brutality as needed, isn't a bad thing. I don't necessarily want those skills to go away.

How can I be true to myself, be who I am now and still accept what I was? Here's how I handled it...........................

I imagined a file cabinet full of skills that make me who I am. There are gentle things in there and there are some really brutal things. I can store them away until they are needed and all of them....good and bad, positive and negative, can be present without conflict. I can be a gentle, kind generous person and still be a brutal bastard, too. I simply open the file cabinet and take out the appropriate folder. The neat part is that when I'm gentle, I don't need to be tough. It's still there but I don't need it so it's packed away in the file cabinet.

Hopefully the brutal stuff will remain unused and give the positive traits a chance to prosper. So far, with 30 years clean and sober, it has worked out pretty well.

Flash

 

[Elbe]

Well said Flash

 

[kyletxria1911a1]

^^^^ what he said and like you i can be that way to if
I did not leave kansas city when i did dead or in prison
Was the road i was on. And now the way the world is
Ya got to be on your guard. Do i want to hurt any one?
No but if it comes to that(no quarter asked none given)
And i truly understand that shooting someone and mabye
Taking a life will change you forever!
But when i got my family and got my chl
And made the choice to put a pistol on daily
I knew what i was walking into i have made
My peace with that.