. I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
. African television stations are now showing 'Sponsor an American Child' commercials!
. Wives are having sex with their husbands because they can't afford batteries.
. I ordered a burger at McDonald's and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"
. CEO's are now playing miniature golf.
. Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.
. My ATM gave me an IOU!
. A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced.
. I saw a Mormon with only one wife.
. I bought a toaster oven and my free gift with purchase was a bank.
. If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.
. McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
. Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America .
. Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.
. My cousin had an exorcism but couldn't afford to pay for it, and they re-possessed her!
. A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico .
. Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.
. A picture is now only worth 200 words.
. They renamed Wall Street " Wal-Mart Street ."
. When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.
. The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.
. Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh Great! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 trillion disappear!
And, finally...
. I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan , and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck...
. African television stations are now showing 'Sponsor an American Child' commercials!
. Wives are having sex with their husbands because they can't afford batteries.
. I ordered a burger at McDonald's and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"
. CEO's are now playing miniature golf.
. Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.
. My ATM gave me an IOU!
. A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced.
. I saw a Mormon with only one wife.
. I bought a toaster oven and my free gift with purchase was a bank.
. If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.
. McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
. Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America .
. Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.
. My cousin had an exorcism but couldn't afford to pay for it, and they re-possessed her!
. A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico .
. Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.
. A picture is now only worth 200 words.
. They renamed Wall Street " Wal-Mart Street ."
. When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.
. The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.
. Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh Great! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 trillion disappear!
And, finally...
. I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan , and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck...
awesome
