Pissy-Teenage daughter, on her period...

[Alpha.Geek]

So my daughter has been having horrible cramps, and with her hormones out of whack,
she has been pissy, and short with us in verbal responses and arguing.

I've been getting pretty-loud, and verbally-aggressive with her when she back-talks, especially to her mother, or when she is told to do something, and pulls the "it's fine", when things clearly aren't, since she isn't getting done what needs to be done...

I reached down and grabbed a hold of my NOT IN THIS HOUSE drill instructor-type retorts, and "shut-that-sh!+-down" (Like Negan on the Walking Dead), before she can even get half way through complete an argumentative phrase.

AFTER shitting that BS down, I explained to her that we are her boss right now, and if she doesn't do what she is told, JUST LIKE AT A JOB, her boss could yell at her also for not doing what she is told, or fire her, and if she wants to do what her ideal career plan is, then she better just do her job, the way we tell her to do it... if "her way" isn't working...

"SET A LOUDER ALARM ON HER PHONE" for wake-up, as the soft, passive noises hippy-dippy gentle wake up alarm sounds CLEARLY aren't working to wake her, and I had to drive her to school today, and she was late, as she didn't listen and set a better alarm tone, and missed the bus.
/rant

Am I wrong here?

Going overboard?

 

[Eastexasrick]

I raised two, you are not wrong, your just never right. One of mine did not talk to me for about a year, one of the best years of my life. They will grow out of it, at about 23 to 24 years old. Always side with your wife, that's the best advice I can give.

 

[Aus_Schwaben]

Is it really necessary to add "pissy" to describe a teenager? I thought that was the standard for them now.

 

[toddnjoyce]

I’m not one to tell people how to parent, but if you’re asking this question, it’s probably time to call a time out to find out what the real problem is.

 

[toddnjoyce]

…Always side with your wife, that's the best advice I can give.

Eh, I had to sit down with my former NCO wife and ask her if she was willing to risk a future relationship with our daughter over my wife’s preferred way to handling the problem. The first part of that conversation started with is ‘x’ really a sword to fall on?

 

[deemus]

Todd nailed it. If you had to ask you likely went too far.

You ain’t lived till you have 4 teens hit their “special time” at the same week.

I was a dictator. But you have to know the limits. And you have to mix in a few hugs in there too.

 

[Alpha.Geek]

I’m not one to tell people how to parent, but if you’re asking this question, it’s probably time to call a time out to find out what the real problem is.

The real problem is she wants to do things "her way", when her way CLEARLY isn't working, causing others to suffer extra work/time taking her to school LATE, due to her not listening to 3-second, EASY solutions, of just changing her alarm to something that will ACTUALLY wake her up...

Granted, she IS having a heavy period right now, and had to get up and clean up in the middle of the night 2x, causing her to be extra tired, BUT, as ALWAYS the simplest solution is to do what she was told to do and set a better WAKE-UP alarm that would wake her to not make me suffer, and wake up early, when I should be able to sleep-in an hour on my week-day off (I normally only sleep like 6 hours or less per night, which made me even more pissed-off).

Luckily I had the day off for hours already worked, so I wasn't hindered in job-work this morning, but this isn't the first time, and I have had to work late to play catch-up after taking her to school on days I was working because she didn't listen, NOR use the LITERALLY 3-second, EASY solution I told her to use.... and she missed the bus, again.

It's an hour-and-a-third round trip to her school, with traffic, AND there was an accident this morning too, causing it to take even longer...

The wife texted me back, and said we will, again talk to her tonight, about these issues of making other's suffer for bad-choices of blatantly just not listening and doing what she is told to do, and the pissy-attitude,

 

[FireInTheWire]

Tough spot.

Talk with her and listen to what she has to say. Don't try to talk in the heat of the moment. Catch her when things are chill. Allow the ebb and flow of conversation.

 

[popper]

Guess I was lucky, only one daughter and she mostly was OK.
you're just never right!!
She had one friend that sounds like your daughter. Take the middle road. She's not a 'boot' so harsh doesn't cut it.

 

[ZX9RCAM]

We had a problem with the youngest one.
What made it more difficult, is the her mom kept trying to be her "friend", instead of her mother.

 

[FireInTheWire]

She might need some Jocko in her life

I listen to this every few weeks. Snaps me outta my pussy mentally when I’m weak.

 

[toddnjoyce]

The real problem is she wants to do things "her way", when her way CLEARLY isn't working, causing others to suffer extra work/time taking her to school LATE, due to her not listening to 3-second, EASY solutions, of just changing her alarm to something that will ACTUALLY wake her up...

Granted, she IS having a heavy period right now, and had to get up and clean up in the middle of the night 2x, causing her to be extra tired, BUT, as ALWAYS the simplest solution is to do what she was told to do and set a better WAKE-UP alarm that would wake her to not make me suffer.

Luckily I had the day off for hours already worked, so I wasn't hindered in job-work this morning, but this isn't the first time, and I have had to work late to take her to school on days I was working because she didn't listen, of use the LITERALLY 3-second, EASY solution I told her to use....

What you desire is a change in behavior so that you and/or mom don’t have to be a taxi service. Perfectly reasonable and that’s a good boundary to set.

The conversation we had with both our kids about ten years ago when that was the problem we faced was very simple to both our kids. We don’t care when you get up, but we can’t be your taxi service. Their suggestions ran the gamut from walk/ride bike to just not go to school that day. That brought up a second boundary which was that unexcused absences were not acceptable.

In one calm conversation, we ironed out the details, actions, and consequences of mom/dad being the taxi.

 

[toddnjoyce]

She might need some Jocko in her life

I listen to this every few weeks. Snaps me outta my pussy mentally when I’m weak.

You need to listen daily then.

 

[Lonesome Dove]

Remove all privileges.

 

[Charlie]

'Having raised two daughters I can sympathize with you folks. It's interesting, and difficult at times,but things eventually worked out and they grew out of it. They are both grown up and in the work force now and I'm very proud of them! I wish you the best of luck.

Edit to add: Both my daughters went to high school where I was the assistant principal in charge of discipline! They hated that but they were careful NOT to get in trouble at school (and both are school teachers now!).

 

[Alpha.Geek]

You need to listen daily then.

My wife has the same problem, and I can never sleep-in with her either, as she snoozes like 3 times (MEH used to be like 6-times), EVERY weekday morning, even on my week-days off, when I should be able to sleep-in for an additional ~30-60 minutes... ... ...

Remove all privileges.

Yeah, I think the phone is going away, as that is the RECURRENT-excuse she gave her mother as to why she needs the phone in her room at night, after bed-time... I dropped an alarm CLOCK in there, so she should NOW use it.

I think bed time is now 1900, with no phone or TV, and that is AFTER -shower.

 

[FireInTheWire]

You need to listen daily then.

 

[ATN2]

So my daughter has been having horrible cramps, and with her hormones out of whack,
she has been pissy, and short with us in verbal responses and arguing.

I've been getting pretty-loud, and verbally-aggressive with her when she back-talks, especially to her mother, or when she is told to do something, and pulls the "it's fine", when things clearly aren't, since she isn't getting done what needs to be done...

I reached down and grabbed a hold of my NOT IN THIS HOUSE drill instructor-type retorts, and "shut-that-sh!+-down" (Like Negan on the Walking Dead), before she can even get half way through complete an argumentative phrase.

AFTER shitting that BS down, I explained to her that we are her boss right now, and if she doesn't do what she is told, JUST LIKE AT A JOB, her boss could yell at her also for not doing what she is told, or fire her, and if she wants to do what her ideal career plan is, then she better just do her job, the way we tell her to do it... if "her way" isn't working...

"SET A LOUDER ALARM ON HER PHONE" for wake-up, as the soft, passive noises hippy-dippy gentle wake up alarm sounds CLEARLY aren't working to wake her, and I had to drive her to school today, and she was late, as she didn't listen and set a better alarm tone, and missed the bus.
/rant

Am I wrong here?

Going overboard?

So shes only like this when shes on her period?

 

[Alpha.Geek]

So shes only like this when shes on her period?

Mostly...

 

[karlac]

I raised two, you are not wrong, your just never right. One of mine did not talk to me for about a year, one of the best years of my life. They will grow out of it, at about 23 to 24 years old. Always side with your wife, that's the best advice I can give.

Truer words have never been spoken!!
Raised two myself ... and a wife.