Avoiding Confrontation

[TexasRedneck]

That's ok... I forgive you for not having a sense of humor.

Humor I have.....but I also realize there's a difference between humor and poor taste.

 

[pistolpadre]

Humor I have.....but I also realize there's a difference between humor and poor taste.

Maybe it's a generational thing Dan, a lot of us "senior's" see that sort of humor as just another example of eroding taste..

Lets get back to OP.. and something i'd bet all of you have encountered in the past.. I call it the "drug in syndrome"

The last time this happened to me i was standing in line at a convenience store with my lovely wife.. guy in front of me.. construction worker.. i swear the boy had concrete stuck to his t shirt.. and the shirt "fit" him.. least more than i filled out mine.. Guys buying beer and a lot of it.. had like four 12's .. so at the moment when you could "HEAR" a thought.. the wife says ... loud.. SHEESH HOLDING THE WHOLE LINE UP CAUSE Of ALL THE BEER.. serious as a ... well you know.. the guy turns and meets my eye.. a decade or so ago this would/could have escalated .. turns out to be this great moment where a couple of guys just start laughing..

Grey hair might cause some loss in humor, but in this case saved a bruise or two..

 

[TheDan]

Maybe it's a generational thing Dan, a lot of us "senior's" see that sort of humor as just another example of eroding taste..

Everyone has different standards of whats acceptable and comedy typically pushes those boundaries. I don't ever post anything with the intent to offend someone, but I'm also not going to worry about it if I do. Can't please everyone. Besides, its a cartoon... doesn't that make it obvious it's satire?

 

[pistolpadre]

Dan.. you said "I don't ever post anything with the intent to offend someone, but I'm also not going to worry about it if I do"

I think that's it.. i do take responsibility for something that offends others.. i get the humor in it, but for what it's worth.. (thats zip by the way) i find a lot of what's "excepted" to be offensive.. doesn't mean i'm right, just means when i see OMG's or the extension of that with an F in it.. or in the the case of the cartoon the N word, i find it offensive..

obviously a personal thing.. i really do hate PC stuff, but the opposite "to me" doesn't work either..

Amazing how the last four post mirror the issue of the thread... back to OP..

 

[ROGER4314]

I took the time and trouble to post some genuine Conflict Resolution information.....types of fights in post #89. I'd appreciate it if the OP would respond by answering two questions about the type of fight he mentioned in post #1.

What type of fight was it?
Did it evolve from one type of fight to another?

Flash

 

[TheDan]

Amazing how the last four post mirror the issue of the thread...

Yep... I noticed and found the parallels amusing, too

 

[SIG_Fiend]

Humor I have.....but I also realize there's a difference between humor and poor taste.

That's funny coming from you. Some here would say the racial jokes you frequently make are in poor taste. All of us that know you know that you don't mean it, and that you and Sterling are best of friends and are both just having fun. For the couple dozen or so of us that know that, how many other hundreds or thousands of people viewing this site don't know that story, and see it as literal? You might want to change your own tune before criticizing others.

As far as that video goes, you'd have to see the show The Boondocks to understand it. It's effectively a cartoon version of The Chappelle Show. It pretty much makes fun of everyone from all races equally. Out of context, it seems totally racist. It just so happens that Samuel L. Jackson and a number of other well known black actors and actresses do the voice overs for various characters. It's all in good fun. If we can't make fun of ourselves, what good is humor?

 

[TexasRedneck]

That's funny coming from you. Some here would say the racial jokes you frequently make are in poor taste. All of us that know you know that you don't mean it, and that you and Sterling are best of friends and are both just having fun. For the couple dozen or so of us that know that, how many other hundreds or thousands of people viewing this site don't know that story, and see it as literal? You might want to change your own tune before criticizing others.

And the very second that anyone says something w/regards to that, I'll be the VERY first to clarify it. But I guess you're right - I'm really beginning to feel that I don't fit well any more.

 

[TheDan]

Out of context, it seems totally racist. It just so happens that Samuel L. Jackson and a number of other well known black actors and actresses do the voice overs for various characters. It's all in good fun. If we can't make fun of ourselves, what good is humor?

I think people that find it racist are projecting their own biases onto it.

Samuel Jackson voices the character of a... "white thug" for the lack of a better term. It's pretty hilarious.

I'm really beginning to feel that I don't fit well any more.

Nah, man... I don't think anyone wants to see you ride off into the sunset just yet.

 

[pistolpadre]

Least a good example of how to handle OP.. which we might consider getting back to..

agree with Dan on " Nah, man... I don't think anyone wants to see you ride off into the sunset just yet."

 

[Brains]

Racial stereotypes, well all stereotypes, exist because a sizable portion of the target population exhibits a certain quality. They have been the basis for jokes since likely the dawn of man, and equally the basis for some people to feel offended for likely just as long.

For example, a comedian might say "niggers love them some watermelon!" as part of his act. In context, that might be part of a joke everyone laughs to. Out of context, as written it could be perceived as horribly offensive. At it's core, both interpretations are based on the same old stereotype that black folks love to eat watermelon, and use a commonly known to be offensive term for a certain group of ethnicities. But are those facts? Well, fact enough that we recognize it and can make a choice on how we react to it. But there's the key. How do we react to it? Why do we react the way we do? How did it even somehow become 'common knowledge' that a certain portion of our population become associated with the consumption of a large fleshy fruit?

I've long been a study of things like this, not in any official capacity but merely as an observer. Truth is, we all are to some degree. We've learned that some things are not appropriate to say in certain contexts. You don't use the word '****' in earshot of women, at least if you want to live right? But you can say it to your male Australian buddy and there's zero bite to the word. You don't curse or use racial epithets in the company of those you believe would feel negative emotions based on your use of them. Some have even developed a proclivity to avoiding such terms entirely, despite possessing full knowledge of them. It all boils down to the flexibility of language to convey substance and emotion. Put simply, there's a thousand ways to say anything, and there's a thousand more to interpret it. Ultimately we have the choice on how to say things, and we have the choice on how to comprehend the intent of what we hear.

Now the point. Conflict resolution has everything to do with our ability to use our control of language, spoken and otherwise. Avoid confrontation starts with body language. Body language is arguably more important than spoken language when it comes to escalating a confrontation. If my body says I'm not interested in fighting, there's a good chance there's no fight. Males are really stupid at reading subtle body language (just ask your wife) except when it comes to getting into a fight You can say "I don't want to fight you" with your chest puffed out, and you're probably gonna throw down. On the contrary, if you are relaxed and not squared off with the guy and say "I'll kick your ass from here to Kansas" he very likely won't feel his ego is threatened, and won't have any interest in taking action. You'll get the "get a load of this guy" response and a smirk. Might even end up making a friend. Granted there's exceptions to every rule, but in general body language is truly the key.

 

[Sammy654d]

There are critical exceptions to this rule: Sociopathic Predators that specifically prey on weakness and fear of confrontation by the victim. Or status seeking predators that want to perpetrate a vicious beatdown on an easy target to up their value on a sure win within their group social dynamic.

To the OP, I strongly suggest reading Rory Miller's books like Facing Violence.

 

[Chinookman]

wow well...without having to read all 11 pages looks like the last four or five posts was entertaining.....lol.
..anyways.......conflict avoidance is about many different levels of personal awareness.......

I've read and bought some books from Tim Larkin and like his perspective of avoiding conflict...BUT when it is beyond avoidance there is a level that kicks in....I'll leave it up to the OP and readers to figure out if this will help address a very good and serious question for those that do carry....

Self Defense Training | Tim Larkin | Martial Arts Training - Target Focus Training

 

[alaska1996]

There are critical exceptions to this rule: Sociopathic Predators that specifically prey on weakness and fear of confrontation by the victim. Or status seeking predators that want to perpetrate a vicious beatdown on an easy target to up their value on a sure win within their group social dynamic.
.

Just about fits the description of my attacker, after all has has a history with little kids.

 

[Driller]

To me its common sense and self confidence. Smile, be polite, and remember its only words. Confrontation is usually never worth the consequences, and besides it can get expensive.

Driller