In the Navy we'd old our right hand up, like we were swearing to tell the truth, the whole truth, and we'd say, this is a real no-shitter, honest.......
Today's Joke Thread
- Thread starter Charlie
- Start date
The #1 community for Gun Owners in Texas
Member Benefits:
Fewer Ads! Discuss all aspects of firearm ownership Discuss anti-gun legislation Buy, sell, and trade in the classified section Chat with Local gun shops, ranges, trainers & other businesses Discover free outdoor shooting areas View up to date on firearm-related events Share photos & video with other members ...and so much more!
Member Benefits:
In the Navy we'd old our right hand up, like we were swearing to tell the truth, the whole truth, and we'd say, this is a real no-shitter, honest.......
Nothing like a real no shitter sea story to pass the time while bobbing around in your assigned sector.In the Navy we'd old our right hand up, like we were swearing to tell the truth, the whole truth, and we'd say, this is a real no-shitter, honest.......
Mais, cher ... I gar-ron-tee
HKShooter65
TGT Addict
Termite walks into a bar, hungry.
Asks the barmaid "Is the bar tender here?"
Asks the barmaid "Is the bar tender here?"
Last edited:
There was once a sheep farmer who had a French farmhand working with him to help castrate his sheep.
As the farmer castrated the first sheep, the French farmhand took the parts and was about to throw them into the trash.
"No!" yelled the farmer, "Don't throw those away! My wife fries them up, and we eat them, they're delicious! They're called Sheep Fries!"
The farmhand saved the parts and took them to the farmer's wife who cooked them up for supper. This went on for three days....and each evening they had Sheep Fries for supper.
On the fourth night the farmer came in to the house for supper.
He asked his wife where the farmhand was, and she replied, "It's the strangest thing! When he came in and asked what was for supper, I told him French Fries, and he ran like hell!!!
As the farmer castrated the first sheep, the French farmhand took the parts and was about to throw them into the trash.
"No!" yelled the farmer, "Don't throw those away! My wife fries them up, and we eat them, they're delicious! They're called Sheep Fries!"
The farmhand saved the parts and took them to the farmer's wife who cooked them up for supper. This went on for three days....and each evening they had Sheep Fries for supper.
On the fourth night the farmer came in to the house for supper.
He asked his wife where the farmhand was, and she replied, "It's the strangest thing! When he came in and asked what was for supper, I told him French Fries, and he ran like hell!!!
My best buddy in SA was an Aggie. His Yorkies were named Boudreaux and Tibideaux.
HKShooter65
TGT Addict
Girl walks into a bar with a duck on her shoulder.
Bartender looks up and says "Where'd ya' get the pig?".
Girl says "It's not a pig. It's a duck.".
Bartended says "I was talking to the duck!".
Bartender looks up and says "Where'd ya' get the pig?".
Girl says "It's not a pig. It's a duck.".
Bartended says "I was talking to the duck!".
HKShooter65
TGT Addict
Penguin takes his snowmobile to the mechanic in Anchorage and tells him it's running very rough with no torque.
Mechanic says to leave the snowmobile and he'll get it looked at by about 1PM.
Penguin comes back after lunch.
Mechanic looks up from the engine and says to the penguin "Looks like you've blown a seal".
Penguin, wiping his cheek clean says "Uhhhh. No, No. That's just mayonnaise from my sandwich.".
Mechanic says to leave the snowmobile and he'll get it looked at by about 1PM.
Penguin comes back after lunch.
Mechanic looks up from the engine and says to the penguin "Looks like you've blown a seal".
Penguin, wiping his cheek clean says "Uhhhh. No, No. That's just mayonnaise from my sandwich.".
oldie but goodie...
HKShooter65
TGT Addict
Hey, northern hemisphere penguins are far more extant, numerous and likely to be encountered than are talking penguins!!!
My glass, at this moment is 15% full of A.D. Laws Hordeum Straight Malt whiskey and one spherical ice ball, I bought in Denver 2 weeks ago where it was distilled and aged for 3 full years in new oak barrels. Intensely aromatic, nearly too much so. (Americans haven't the patience to age malts for 10-25 year like the Scottish makers, eh?)
.....................
So:
An 85 year old gentleman is taking his daily walk in the woods.
He hears a voice behind him say "Psst, Psst....you, you...pick me up, please.
He turns around and sees nothing to indicate from where the voice came.
Then "Psst, psst, yo, yo, down here, pick me up and kiss me." says a toad in the leaves just off the path.
The man picks up and stares quizically at the toad.
The cute little toad bats its eyes seductively and says "Kiss me, I'm a beautiful 22 year old princess with an evil spell cast upon me."
"Kiss me and I'll return to my nubile body and we can spend many days and nights in passionate lovemaking."
The man uncerimoniously drops the toad into his coat pocket.
The toad, puzzled and exasperated says from his pocket, "Hey, did you hear me? We can spend days in bed having wild, endless sex. Please, please kiss me and break the spell.".
The man, walking on down the path mutters to himself "Heck, at my age I'd rather have a talking toad".
HKS
Last edited:
A guy goes into a bar with his pet octopus and says "I bet $50 that no one here has a musical instrument that this octopus can't play."
The people in the bar look around and someone fetches an old guitar.
The octopus has a look, picks it up, tunes up the strings and starts playing the guitar. The octopus's owner pockets the fifty bucks.
Next guy comes up with a trumpet, octopus takes the horn, loosens up the keys, licks its lips and starts playing a jazz solo. The guy hands over another fifty bucks to the octopus's owner.
The bar owner has been watching all this and disappears out back, coming back in a few moments later with a set of bagpipes under his arm. He puts them on the bar and says to the guy and his octopus, "Now, if your octopus can play that I'll give you a hundred dollars."
The octopus takes a look at the bagpipes, lifts it up, turns it over, has another look from another angle. Puzzled, the octopus's owner comes up and says "What are you fooling around for? Hurry up and play the damn thing!"
The octopus says "Play it? I'm trying to figure out how to **** it!"
The people in the bar look around and someone fetches an old guitar.
The octopus has a look, picks it up, tunes up the strings and starts playing the guitar. The octopus's owner pockets the fifty bucks.
Next guy comes up with a trumpet, octopus takes the horn, loosens up the keys, licks its lips and starts playing a jazz solo. The guy hands over another fifty bucks to the octopus's owner.
The bar owner has been watching all this and disappears out back, coming back in a few moments later with a set of bagpipes under his arm. He puts them on the bar and says to the guy and his octopus, "Now, if your octopus can play that I'll give you a hundred dollars."
The octopus takes a look at the bagpipes, lifts it up, turns it over, has another look from another angle. Puzzled, the octopus's owner comes up and says "What are you fooling around for? Hurry up and play the damn thing!"
The octopus says "Play it? I'm trying to figure out how to **** it!"
A minister who was very fond of pure, hot horseradish always kept a bottle of it on his dining room table. Once, at dinner, he offered some to a guest, who took a big spoonful.The guest let out a huge gasp. When he was finally able to speak, he choked out, "I've heard many ministers preach hellfire, but you are the first one I've met who passes out a sample of it."
So a man is proposing to his dearly beloved. He gets down on one need and looks deeply into her beautiful blue eyes and says "Darlin', will you marry me?" and she says "Yes, I will marry you." Then he says "That is so awesome Honey, just one thing I need to know." Perplexed she looks deeply into his brown eyes and says "What on earth more is there to know, I said yes?" And he then says, "Well The are 3 things in life that I really enjoy. The way I figure it, by marrying you, I will have to give up one of the 3 Gs'." She looks at him with quizzical eyes and says "3 Gs'?" And he says " Sure, girls, guns and guzzling. Which will it be?"
And that is why I am here, 30 years later, on TGT at 6:47 AM on a Sunday morning drinking a beer.
And that is why I am here, 30 years later, on TGT at 6:47 AM on a Sunday morning drinking a beer.
I gotta' ask ................ are you by yourself?
I only drink beer on two occasions, .............. when I'm alone or with someone.
Last edited:
