Today's Joke Thread

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  • Dinoble1

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    Lie detection robot
    A man buys a lie detector robot that slaps people wholie. He decides to test it at dinner.
    He asks his son, "Son, where were you today during school hours?""At school." The robot slaps the son. "Okay, I went to
    the movies!"
    The father asks, "Which one?""Harry Potter." The robot slaps the son again. "Okay, Iwas watching porn!"
    The father replies, "What? When I was your age I didn't
    even know what porn was!" The robot slaps the father.
    The mom chimes in, "Haha! After all, he is your son!"
    The robot slaps the mother.


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    ZX9RCAM

    Over the Rainbow bridge...
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    A sweet old lady named Rose, living at the local old folks home, was sitting outside one nice day when Bernie, who considers himself quite the Romeo, sidles up to her and says, “hi, sweetie. How’d you like to make some whoopee?” Rose giggles and looks away. Bernie continues, “for $5, we could have some fun in that rocking chair over there.” Rose blushes. “For $10, we could stretch out on the couch in the community room after everyone goes to sleep and really enjoy ourselves.” Rose blushes more deeply. “Or,” Bernie says, “for $20, we can spend the entire night together in my room.” Rose giggles nervously but pulls out a wrinkled $20 bill from her purse. “Ah,” says Bernie, “you want to spend the whole night together.” “Heck no,” replies Rose. “I want 4 times in the rocking chair!”
     

    Dinoble1

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    A blonde and a brunette are sitting at the bar when a really good looking guy with dandruff walks in.
    Brunette comments offhand "that guy could really use some head and shoulders."
    Blonde nods sagely, replying "yeah."
    A few minutes pass when the blonde says "how do you give shoulders?"


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    striker55

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    Katy
    So God tells Adam, "I'm going to make you a wife, a helpmate, the most beautiful woman who ever lived. She'll be fantastic in bed, uncomplaining and adventurous. The thing is it will cost you". Adam says "how much?". God says "an eye, an elbow, a collarbone and your left ball". Adam thinks for a minute, then asks, "what can I get for a rib?".
     

    Dinoble1

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    The Knob
    A woman visited a plastic surgeon who told her about a new procedure called 'The Knob,' where a small knob is placed at the top of the woman's head and could be turned to tighten up her skin and produce the effect of a brand new face-lift.
    Of course, the woman wanted 'The Knob……
    Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the knob, and the effects were wonderful, the woman remained young looking and vibrant.
    After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon...
    'All these years, everything has been working just fine. I've had to turn the knob many times and I've always loved the results. But now I've developed two annoyingproblems:
    First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won't get rid of them.'
    The doctor looked at her closely and said, 'Those aren't bags, those are your breasts.'
    She said, 'Well, I guess there's no point in asking about the goatee.’


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    Texan79423

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    Flatlands
    gold diggers.jpg
     
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