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  • claymore504

    Well-Known
    Rating - 100%
    9   0   0
    Dec 2, 2008
    1,830
    66
    Katy, TX
    MEPS was the worst that I experienced. When i went through the forst time right after graduationg high school it was pretty rough. They guy really gave us a hard time and got right up next to us. I then had about a 1.5 year break in service and when i went back in it was not bad at all. Depends on who is working that day I guess.
    DK Firearms
     

    Big Green

    In Christ Alone
    Rating - 100%
    5   0   0
    Mar 5, 2018
    4,652
    96
    College Station
    At boot when the DI’s let us make a quick head call, it was two to a urinal and three to a toilet.

    After leaving boot it finally made sense how all the old guys could just walk from the shower to their lockers at the fitness center in their birthday suits.
     

    BigBoss0311

    Well-Known
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    0   0   0
    Mar 8, 2010
    1,333
    46
    McKinney, TX
    Me. I was company urinalysis coordinator, thanks to me being one of the few NCO's. Had to take a 3 day course to be certified. Only myself and the Company 1stSgt knew when there would be a piss test. Never looked at dicks since I was the coordinator, I was the guy telling the 3 'volunteers' they were the ones watching the cups get filled. Class was actually interesting, I learned how easy it is to argue a hot sample since chain of custody is broken almost immediately and almost every 5 minutes after.
     

    candcallen

    Crotchety, Snarky, Truthful. You'll get over it.
    Emeritus - "Texas Proud"
    Rating - 100%
    2   0   0
    Jul 23, 2011
    21,358
    96
    Little Elm
    In the prisons and jails I worked in you had to randomly test 10 percent of the population per week. 2000 inmates means 200 UAs a week. That's 25 to 30 a night.

    Lots of "meat" to look at. Those bastards tried everything to the point many were strip searched and made to clip their nails first.

    The best part the ones who pissed dirty using anothers urine. How did they do it? Lots of ways but the most memorable and ingenious I guess is One guy who had used a balloon with a piece of iv tubing. Where he got the stuff who knows. The balloon stuck up his ass kept the "clean"urine warm and the tube glued to the underside of the penis. He had done this for a couple years till he got caught when the balloon broke and ran down onto the floor. The urine he provided tested dirty but the second one he was made to give, "probable cause" was clean. He got nailed and lost 2 years good time credit for nothing. Lol.
     

    Dredens

    Well-Known
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    0   0   0
    Jan 11, 2014
    1,462
    31
    Sealy
    Never had to be a UA tester, but I was always somehow in the "random" selection of individuals for a long time. It was suspected our leadership didn't feel like doing paperwork and so the "random" selection of the least at-risk individuals every single time in our company was at least partially intentional.
     

    gshayd

    Ugliest house on the block.
    Rating - 0%
    0   0   0
    Nov 25, 2018
    1,307
    96
    Beaumont, Texas
    What they do now is have the unit Commander give them a direct order to take the piss test in formation. I was a civilian working for the Army who got appointed as a Unit Commander for the rear detachment when the forward part of the unit was deployed.. I was also a retired E8. I was a UA coordinator who handled the paperwork end of it. The Army tends to get peeved when you mess up and it invalidates the urine samples.
     
    Last edited:

    Aus_Schwaben

    First to know - Last to care!
    Rating - 100%
    5   0   0
    Jan 31, 2019
    3,782
    96
    Abilene, TX
    When I got to Germany, I was on casual status for several months so I was an automatic pick as UA observer. Since the testing was first thing in the morning, the people on mids shift were the "random" sample of the unit. Many had to hydrate to provide the sample so they would break out racks of beer and have an impromptu party. This went on until one of the civilians from the community drug control program office came by and saw the beer. She just about provided a sample herself. After that, the memo came down banning the use of alcohol to hydrate for the UA testing.
     

    Texasjack

    TGT Addict
    Rating - 50%
    1   1   0
    Jan 3, 2010
    5,882
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    Occupied Texas
    I worked in a refinery where the software to do "randoms" wasn't working, so they just tested on the week of your birthday. That went on for years and everybody knew it. There was a girl from the lab that had a shy bladder. Her birthday was the same week as mine, so she had to report to the plant nurse at the same time as me. She would be sitting there crying after drinking coffee and cokes until she was in pain, but still couldn't pee. I felt sorry for her.
     

    billtool

    TGT Addict
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    4   0   0
    Nov 16, 2008
    4,117
    96
    The Wooldlands
    Wow - hadn't thought about this in years. I got called in for a random and our Battalion Cmdr was apparently called in too. He loved his men and we all had a healthy fear and a ton of respect for the hardened bastard. He made a point of standing on line with the rest of us and waiting his turn. I'm sure he could have managed otherwise, but Lt.Col. Brooks was a Man among men. He and I were essentially called in together and he showed no mercy to the poor E-5 that was tasked with meat gazing duties. I'll never forget him asking that Sgt. if he had "a rabbit you can feed this thing?"
     

    majormadmax

    Úlfhéðnar
    Rating - 100%
    9   0   0
    Aug 27, 2009
    15,894
    96
    Helotes!
    Still susceptible, but haven't been tagged to "donate" for years...

    However, during my last year in uniform, I arrived at work welcomed by the notice that I had to go do a piss test. No biggie, wasn't worried about anything other than I had drained my bladder before leaving for the office. I grab a large Gatorade and down it as I go over to the prescribed location; but once I got there I was informed I wasn't on their list therefore they didn't want my "donation." At that point I told them they were getting it whether they wanted it or not! Luckily, the NCO understood my situation and allowed me to drain my now-full-again bladder. And no, he didn't watch...

    I knew I shouldn't have said anything, it's always bad luck! :banghead:

    Our contract was rebid earlier this year and I had to switch companies as my old one didn't win.

    The new one required a "donation" as a requirement for employment, which I gladly offered.

    It was my first in over 14 years...and I guess I "passed" as I was hired the next day! :rolleyes:
     

    V-Tach

    Watching While the Sheep Graze
    Lifetime Member
    Rating - 100%
    7   0   0
    Sep 30, 2012
    8,920
    96
    Texas
    In the Air Force, we called it, "Operation Golden Flow".


    Yep, don't remember any witnesses having to be in the room.........early-mid 70's..........

    USAF didn't test for pot while I was in........good thing....

    If you were over 25, you had a yearly alcohol abuse class.....under 25, a yearly drug abuse class...
     

    craigntx

    Masta Copypasta
    Rating - 100%
    6   0   0
    Jun 25, 2010
    3,268
    96
    Cypress, Tejas
    I came here expecting something very different



    93172C92-CE95-41A5-A304-3C1E338887B0.png
     

    candcallen

    Crotchety, Snarky, Truthful. You'll get over it.
    Emeritus - "Texas Proud"
    Rating - 100%
    2   0   0
    Jul 23, 2011
    21,358
    96
    Little Elm
    Why is this discussion still an actual thing?

    Will the next thread be about dropping soap in the shower?

    I ain't doin it.

    Count me out.
     

    Fished

    Member
    Rating - 0%
    0   0   0
    Sep 11, 2020
    84
    11
    Cedar Park
    I haven't had to do that since I retired in 98. I had to when the Kuwait war was going on. The observer was this big black guy, he was a reserve member and not happy about being called to active to do the observer part of this. Some things I just don't miss, some I do.

    Thanks Ed
     

    mad88minute

    Well-Known
    Rating - 100%
    5   0   0
    Oct 13, 2017
    1,659
    96
    Houston
    I was labeled a meat gazer before I got my E5 and actually assisted with the urinalysis.

    I drove a 2 1/2 tons tool truck during our field problems. One night I was sitting on the trailer hitch staring off into he distance. Not looking at anything just day dreaming, suddenly my eyes come into focus an the SGT that just joined the unit is taking a pissing off in the distance. He just noticed me and mistook my dead stare as meat gazing.



    Sent from my moto e6 using Tapatalk
     

    mad88minute

    Well-Known
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    5   0   0
    Oct 13, 2017
    1,659
    96
    Houston
    One time while actually observing a urinalysis, I had a soldier who drank too much the night before, had the beer shits..... diarrhea. He insisted he couldn't piss without shiteing at the same time.

    He actually sat down and filled a cup while destroying the toilet. Not the best day of my service.

    Sent from my moto e6 using Tapatalk
     
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