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I think we just scored a live-in nanny

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  • pronstar

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    Not that we can afford a traditional one.
    But this just sort of came together, and I'd love to hear your thoughts...

    My wife had a mentor, his name was Ray.
    Ray died suddenly a few months ago, and our son's middle name is Ray in memory of him.

    My wife is very close to Ray's widow, her name is Donna and she's an amazing person.
    Due to an oversight on Ray's part, Donna wasn't put on title for their house, and Ray's shittbag kids (who he wasn't close with and had barely spoken with) want the equity.

    Her options were to rent out rooms to help pay the shitbag kids, or sell the house with no place to go because she's on fixed income/disability.
    She's a bit lost, as Ray "was her everything"
    She's been staying with us from Day 1, and told us Stetson gives her something to live for...and Stetson LOVES her.

    She's raised kids and grandkids.

    Our plan, and she's all for it, is:
    - I help sell her house
    - We have a big house that's practically empty, so she moves in to one of our bedrooms and lives for free
    - She becomes Stetson's live-in nanny, and we pay her about $100/week
    - We'll have a lease agreement so that I can have some rights as a landlord if things don't work out
    - We'll work out details like private time etc...I don't want her to feel like a slave working 24/7. Boundaries, in other words

    That's basically it in a nutshell.
    Seems like a win-win for us.
    Do you guys see anything that's concerning?
    Lynx Defense
     

    no2gates

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    Not that we can afford a traditional one.
    But this just sort of came together, and I'd love to hear your thoughts...

    My wife had a mentor, his name was Ray.
    Ray died suddenly a few months ago, and our son's middle name is Ray in memory of him.

    My wife is very close to Ray's widow, her name is Donna and she's an amazing person.
    Due to an oversight on Ray's part, Donna wasn't put on title for their house, and Ray's shittbag kids (who he wasn't close with and had barely spoken with) want the equity.

    Her options were to rent out rooms to help pay the shitbag kids, or sell the house with no place to go because she's on fixed income/disability.
    She's a bit lost, as Ray "was her everything"
    She's been staying with us from Day 1, and told us Stetson gives her something to live for...and Stetson LOVES her.

    She's raised kids and grandkids.

    Our plan, and she's all for it, is:
    - I help sell her house
    - We have a big house that's practically empty, so she moves in to one of our bedrooms and lives for free
    - She becomes Stetson's live-in nanny, and we pay her about $100/week
    - We'll have a lease agreement so that I can have some rights as a landlord if things don't work out
    - We'll work out details like private time etc...I don't want her to feel like a slave working 24/7. Boundaries, in other words

    That's basically it in a nutshell.
    Seems like a win-win for us.
    Do you guys see anything that's concerning?

    That sounds like a fantastic deal for everyone involved. As long as your gut feeling is to go for it, I say go for it.
     

    F350-6

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    You really need someone who understands the law more, but I'd say that your lease agreement should include childcare/nanny duties as an offset for rent.

    I would guess the more vague the better, but you don't want her coming back at you after a few years for back pay for at least minimum wage equivalent and her claiming 80 hours per week for all that time.

    Or maybe it's best to leave the whole nanny part out of the equation and just let a friend stay with you and her chores around the house while she's there can be to help with the kid.

    If you're nice enough to throw in $100 a week, that's kind, but keep in mind that won't buy much of anything. You'll have to be providing food, basic necessities, etc.
     

    pronstar

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    Boundaries are key. This is a good way to wreck a friendship but it could also work out great.

    Will she have a place hang out away from you besides her room? A game room or media room or something?


    Yeah she has her bedroom, and we're converting another bedroom into a small living area if she wants privacy.




    Thanks for the replies, guys.
    I think we're gonna be building this airplane as we attempt to fly it.
    This will either be a rousing success, or will fail miserably...but at least I can get some sleep as we try!
     

    Coiled

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    Ray died suddenly a few months ago

    My wife is very close to Ray's widow, her name is Donna and she's an amazing person.
    Due to an oversight on Ray's part, Donna wasn't put on title for their house, and Ray's shittbag kids (who he wasn't close with and had barely spoken with) want the equity.

    Her options were to rent out rooms to help pay the shitbag kids, or sell the house with no place to go because she's on fixed income/disability.
    Please forgive me if I come off sounding like a jerk, I have a special knack for that even when it's not intentional.

    So Donna's name wasn't on the title but I'll bet the SB kids names aren't either. Why do they have a stake in the equity that seemingly trumps the wife's or, that she must otherwise pay them?

    Has the mortgage been paid while Donna stays with you? If so then why should she rent rooms? For any reason?

    I certainly don't need the answers and hope you don't reply, I'm simply reiterating Donna needs help. I hope y'all find a great solution for all involved, good luck . . Dad. :green:
     

    baboon

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    Out here by the lake!
    One thing America has lost was the extended family. Instead of granny & grandpa helping raise a grandchild in their own kids home we started warehousing old people so some corporation could get rich & grand children loose out.

    I'm not saying it was a perfect thing, but think about elder & child abuse because of profit makes me retch.
     

    Coop45

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    One thing America has lost was the extended family. Instead of granny & grandpa helping raise a grandchild in their own kids home we started warehousing old people so some corporation could get rich & grand children loose out.

    I'm not saying it was a perfect thing, but think about elder & child abuse because of profit makes me retch.
    Nursing homes became warehouses for old people. The life expectancy of a nursing home patient is two years. Thanks LBJ you slimey sob.+
     

    jordanmills

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    Is she in Texas? In Texas, when a spouse dies, the surviving spouse should get a lifetime estate in their home (it's a little complicated depending on community estate, separate estate, homestead, etc).


    Sec. 102.005. PROHIBITIONS ON PARTITION OF HOMESTEAD. The homestead may not be partitioned among the decedent's heirs:
    (1) during the lifetime of the surviving spouse for as long as the surviving spouse elects to use or occupy the property as a homestead; or
    (2) during the period the guardian of the decedent's minor children is permitted to use and occupy the homestead under a court order.

    Given some assumptions, it sounds like if she wants to continue living there, the kids are up a creek until she passes away.
     

    pronstar

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    Please forgive me if I come off sounding like a jerk, I have a special knack for that even when it's not intentional.

    So Donna's name wasn't on the title but I'll bet the SB kids names aren't either. Why do they have a stake in the equity that seemingly trumps the wife's or, that she must otherwise pay them?

    Has the mortgage been paid while Donna stays with you? If so then why should she rent rooms? For any reason?

    I certainly don't need the answers and hope you don't reply, I'm simply reiterating Donna needs help. I hope y'all find a great solution for all involved, good luck . . Dad. :green:

    He bought the house before they got married. They only got married about 6 months before he died. So it goes to the heirs.

    But during court, the judge recognized their two decades of living together as common-law marriage. He wouldn’t exclude the kids as heirs, though.

    The mortgage is $2500/month and has been paid. But she’s on a fixed income due to disability. And the insurance money from his death (not a lot) will be gone if she has to make that payment alone. So she was going to rent out all the rooms help make ends meet.


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    TX OMFS

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    You really need someone who understands the law more, but I'd say that your lease agreement should include childcare/nanny duties as an offset for rent.

    I would guess the more vague the better, but you don't want her coming back at you after a few years for back pay for at least minimum wage equivalent and her claiming 80 hours per week for all that time.

    Or maybe it's best to leave the whole nanny part out of the equation and just let a friend stay with you and her chores around the house while she's there can be to help with the kid.

    If you're nice enough to throw in $100 a week, that's kind, but keep in mind that won't buy much of anything. You'll have to be providing food, basic necessities, etc.
    Good point. We had a nanny for a few summers. I had to register as a sole proprietor with the IRS and Texas Workforce Commission. I reported wages to TWC quarterly & paid their unemployment fees. I paid my share of the nanny's income taxes once per year via my personal return.

    Also, valid point about minimum wage.

    Two good links:

     

    TX OMFS

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    jrbfishn

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    Looks like a couple good resources there.
    That sounds like a good deal for both of you. Of your wife works, the cost of good child care these days will probably cost that much or more a week. I would at least check with an attorney though. Maybe get them to draw up an agreement that would protect both of you. Duties, responsibilities and limits of responsibilities for both.

    Sent by an idjit coffeeholic from my SM-G892A using Tapatalk
     

    dsgrey

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    Definitely discuss and document boundaries/rules. I made that mistake one time. My son and his wife have her brother living with them for 5+ years. He's kind of a nanny, pays for his room and has a part-time job. It's worked out well for them and they have well-defined rules BEFORE they went into this agreement.
     

    Mowingmaniac 24/7

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    A few questions come to mind: Who provides for her medical expenses?

    What will you do if she develops dementia?

    Is she the same religion as you - if not, is she super devout?

    Does her political views align with your yours?

    Is she generally cheerful or moody?
     

    oldag

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    Get an attorney to draw up an agreement. Never know what will happen, as nice as things start out they can go really bad.
     
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