Divorce?

[Axxe55]

Kids often get wrecked by divorce. I know a few in their 50's and 60's that still struggle with:

Why wasn't I good enough for them to stay together?

What could I have done to make them separate?

Self esteem issues galore.

A lot of how well the kids handle divorce, has to do with how the parents handle the divorce. I have seen it go both ways.

But, I will say, if there are kids involved, majority of the time they end up with the worst end of the deal.

 

[baboon]

Most kids I knew of divorced parent played the parents & got anything they wanted.

 

[Axxe55]

Most kids I knew of divorced parent played the parents & got anything they wanted.

I have seen that happen too. They play a guilt trip on the parents.

 

[jrbfishn]

A lot of how well the kids handle divorce, has to do with how the parents handle the divorce. I have seen it go both ways.

But, I will say, if there are kids involved, majority of the time they end up with the worst end of the deal.

The well being of your kids are always your first responsibility. How the parents feel about each other is irrelevant. Every decision you make helps determine what they will do in life.
Bare that in mind.

Sent by an idjit coffeeholic from my SM-G892A using Tapatalk

 

[SA_Steve]

Turth in the old Q&A: Why is divorce so expensive and painful? It's worth it.

 

[mnpshooter]

I was nearly divorced a few years back. What saved it? A good marriage counselor and renewed faith in God. I was driven to work it out because I didn’t want my sons to grow up like I did in a broken home. Good luck to you and have faith.

 

[Axxe55]

Thing is, I don't know what the secret is going into a marriage, and making it last. Sometimes, you can do all the right things, have all of the best of intentions, and it still can fail. Why? I haven't a clue.

People that know me personally, know about my ex-wives, and have commented Have I finally found the secret to success? I don't know that there is a secret to success in making a good marriage. I do believe it takes hard work from both parties, there has to be trust, there has to be mutual respect and communication all the time, especially when things are going rough. I know you have to make sacrifices, and to put the best interests of both ahead of the one. There has to be compromise on both sides. You have to have some common interests, and common goals for the future. You have to be able to adapt, because life changes things, and you have to do this together.

Another thing, you should never go into any marriage with intentions of changing someone to fit what you think they should be. One, it never works out well, and it's just not fair to the other person. Some people say, you love someone in spite of their faults. I say you love someone because of their faults!

 

[deemus]

I've had a ton of time to think about mine the past few months. My marriage was really good. Completely trusted the other, got past all the hard stuff. I have come to the conclusion that the reason mine was so good was that we always deferred to the other. And we both did it. If one gives in all the time, it won't work. If one demands their own way all the time, it won't work.

My wife and I always had the other's happiness in mind when we did something. That comes with years of being together and putting in the effort to know what the other person likes and dislikes. Not an art fan, but she was. So for her birthday we went to an art show. Its that easy. We go to Cabelas and she surprises me with buying that pistol I've been window shopping for a couple years.

When shes tired because she has used herself up caring for her elderly dad, I had dinner waiting for her when she walked in the house. Another one of his trips to the hospital, she left in such a hurry she didn't pack enough clothes. So I stopped at the outlet mall and bought her a new pair of shoes and several outfits of the workout clothes she liked so much. The little things matter.

We didn't at first, but the last 20 years or so we had the others needs and happiness in mind. It made a huge difference in our relationship. Turns out people respond to kindness. Whodathunkit.

 

[SQLGeek]

I have come to the conclusion that the reason mine was so good was that we always deferred to the other.

Sage words of advice. I've noticed the same in my marriage.

Your post left me misty eyed. I'm still sorry, brother.

 

[deemus]

Sage words of advice. I've noticed the same in my marriage.

Your post left me misty eyed. I'm still sorry, brother.

I had a date last night. It was weird at first, but I enjoyed it. Baby steps.

 

[SQLGeek]

On a scale of 1 to Dream of Being Naked In Class, how awkward was it?

 

[deemus]

Solid 6.9 for the first 20 minutes. She laughed at my jokes, that made it easier.

 

[FireInTheWire]

The older I get, the more I see the HUGE importance of communication for humans. There is this weird (old) stigmata for men, that they should keep there feelings, hurt and thoughts inside. Just get up and grind, keep your mouth shut. I think that's really damn stupid.

It's something I've really enjoyed about podcasts. I've listen to some of the most bad mutha trucka's come on and open up about their pain, feelings and baggage from bad experiences in their life.

I think it would be beneficial if marriage counseling took place in the form of a podcast. I think a lot of people would learn from that experience. I know... it's a weird idea. But it would take off.

 

[Aus_Schwaben]

BTW, I did much better the second time around. A few weeks ago I showed my wife a picture of a gun for sale and told her I'd really like to have that. "Well, just go ahead and buy it. You work hard, you deserve it." (Even with that "free pass", I couldn't justify spending the money as it was priced high, so I didn't get it.) If you're looking for an indication of what a good wife says, this is a great example.

My lovely lady friend said early on "I will not say anything about your guns as long as you do not say anything about my sewing stuff." Of course, that was before she saw my second gun safe, third (or was it fifth) reloader, and the ammunition shelving rated at 1 ton per shelf.

Back to the original, my first wife was diagnosed with multiple personality disorder. Her doctor advised that we not live in the same city. I paid more than the alimony would have been for 8 years.

She filed for divorce because she thought she would get more money in a divorce. Neither she nor her lawyer were up on divorce settlements in relation to military retirements so she lost money as they stopped the allotment to pay the alimony. It took 7-8 years for the alimony to catch up to the alimony I had been paying.

Sometimes you have to determine what would be the best for the kids in the long term.