Divorce?

mitchntx

Sarcasm Sensei
TGT Supporter
Jan 15, 2012
3,945
83
Waco-ish
Married my high school sweetheart in 1978.

Two kids, both grown and 30 years of living with a monster called bi-polar disorder. Started to leave many times, but felt a sense of obligation. So I decided to tough it out and pray for better times.

And like answered prayer, I come home one day in January of 2019 to an empty house and a note telling me to have my lawyer call her lawyer.

Best thing that has ever happened to me. Living the dream in Whitney.

My advice is to call around and find a good divorce attorney. Mine cost me a tick over 10K and she probably saved me 100s of thousands.

Personally, I just don't see myself ever becoming involved again. After 40 years of hell, my general opinion of the female of the species isn't very high.
 

MTA89

CEO of Systemic Racism INC.
TGT Supporter
Mar 10, 2017
3,845
113
Texoma
Yes. Divorced once. My advice is that if there's any possibility of working it out, see if you can do it.
It is hardest on the kids. And now we have THREE kids whose marriages look to be ending. So I would say it also sets up a cycle that is not good. That was 25 years ago, and I still feel guilt about how hard it was on the kids and how it set them up for the same pain for themselves. Got any buddies that know a great counselor? Ask around. Take inventory of why you married her in the first place. If any of that is left, go see a good counselor and see if you can hang onto it.
Praying for your positive outcome.
Seeing my parents divorce right as I was about 16-17 years old hardened my resolve to never ever do that. I waited a long time to get married and I got married to the right one. My grandparents on both sides ingrained in me marriage is a life long and sacred vow. Apparently my old man didn't get the message but my mom was really shattered by the whole divorce.

Divorce is a terrible thing most of the time and unfortunately sometimes you cant look into the future to see if someone is going to turn into a beast a few years down the road. The kids are the ones who truly suffer
 

toddnjoyce

TGT Addict
Sep 27, 2017
8,394
113
Boerne
The only piece of experience I can add to all of this is that you better be ready to accept the risk that your relationship with your child may die on the vine and there’s nothing you can really do about it.

As the child matured, they will form their own opinions of you and, once any custody arrangements end, they’re not forced to have a relationship with you.

Not saying that will happen, but it’s a risk that all too often ends up as reality.
 

candcallen

Purveyor of Snark Humor and Truth.
Jul 23, 2011
3,367
113
Little Elm
Divorce, as bad as it is, is better than kids growing up around fighting spitefull parents.

I offer the following advice. Quiet discrete Preparation, planning and forethought. Hopefully the divorce will be amicable and everything agreed upon but the process in adversarial and you must prepare to be fair but unyielding or you will get screwed.

Separate credit as much as possible. Your creditors aren't party to the divorce and care not if the spouse was supposed to pay, they will come after you. This is why lots of divorces include a BK shortly after.

Save money for moving out. Cash.

If you have guns or other property that is yours that you didnt come into the marriage with and think it might be in jeopardy consider selling it and buying it back later. Sound crappy but if it goes bad they will do much worse to you just because they can and to use such stuff as leverage. If you came into the marriage with it it most likely will revert back to you.

Ensure you are prepared for the nasty accusations that come with a contested divorce. I suggest recording arguements or even some surveillance of the spouse if you think they are messing around. Fathers are universally treated like sheit in these proceedings so again preperation, planning and forethought.

If there is conflict you need to keep records of all calls and texts. Talk to her directly as little as possible and record those calls or conversations. Just do it discreetly and tell no one. Protecting yourself and showing the other party to be a liar will be priceless if things go bad.

Consult a lawyer, even if you dont plan on using one, to educate yourself on the process. File first and give her everything she has coming up front. Including joint custody with one parent as primary resident parent. Never let the other part get custody with you only visitation. This is especially true if there is going to be conflict. Once you give her all that's traditional coming dont yield on anything else unless the reward or compromise is worth it to you.

You and your lawyer have priviledge but anyone else in the room while talking to them dont so dont bring buddies or new girlfriend as they can be deposed

Like I said, hopefully it will be amicable with everything agreed upon, but you must carefully and discreetly prepare for it to be the worst experience of your life.

Again never give up custody of your kids. It's always full joint custody period. It will save you trouble down the road.

Sorry this is happening but approach it like any other perilous situation and you will be fine. Hopefully you can avoid a BK and years of bad credit and thousands of dollars in legal fees over the next 15 years re child support and custody issues by being smart in the beginning.
 

kbaxter60

Hill Country State of Mind
Jan 23, 2019
2,473
113
Pipe Creek
Fathers are universally treated like sheit in these proceedings...
I already weighed in as "see if you can save it", but I CAN tell you that what c&c stated is, in fact, the truth. At least it was in the state of WA. I don't imagine it's much better in the great state of TX.
 

EZ-E

Freedom vs Tyranny 2020
TGT Supporter
May 4, 2017
4,109
113
Middle of no where
The only piece of experience I can add to all of this is that you better be ready to accept the risk that your relationship with your child may die on the vine and there’s nothing you can really do about it.

As the child matured, they will form their own opinions of you and, once any custody arrangements end, they’re not forced to have a relationship with you.

Not saying that will happen, but it’s a risk that all too often ends up as reality.

Excellent point to be made. I know of several ex wifes that did nothing but talk bad about the father of the children. Then the kids are absorbed with propaganda the ex is spewing. Next thing you know the kids dont want to spend time with dad.
 

Axxe55

Professional Troublemaker
Dec 15, 2019
5,715
113
Texas.
Psycho, even if you divorce her, you have a 5 year old daughter, so you're still married to the woman for at least the next 13 years! As mentioned, work out your problems if possible. If not, just don't make the situation toxic for your daughter. Sometimes, if all else fails, divorce is the answer. I consider it the final option when all else has failed.

I divorced wife #1 and wife #2. Currently on wife#3!
 

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