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Divorce?

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  • Texasjack

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    BTW, I did much better the second time around. A few weeks ago I showed my wife a picture of a gun for sale and told her I'd really like to have that. "Well, just go ahead and buy it. You work hard, you deserve it." (Even with that "free pass", I couldn't justify spending the money as it was priced high, so I didn't get it.) If you're looking for an indication of what a good wife says, this is a great example.
     

    Axxe55

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    BTW, I did much better the second time around. A few weeks ago I showed my wife a picture of a gun for sale and told her I'd really like to have that. "Well, just go ahead and buy it. You work hard, you deserve it." (Even with that "free pass", I couldn't justify spending the money as it was priced high, so I didn't get it.) If you're looking for an indication of what a good wife says, this is a great example.

    Pretty danged close to what my own wife would say. Mine has always been very supportive of my interests.
     

    busykngt

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    Personally, I can’t recommend the therapist/counselor route. Tried that once didn’t work... just cost money (for nothing). Of course, it probably didn’t help to allow the ex- to select the therapist lady, who turned out to be a “man hater”, in her own right!
     

    pronstar

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    If not for significant counseling about a decade ago, Mrs Pronstar and I would be divorced.

    It helped us to save our marriage...YMMV

    One note:
    Our counselor went in with a blank slate. She basically said “let’s go thru this and see what the best outcome will be. If a divorce is in your best interests, I can facilitate that. And if there’s something worth salvaging, I can facilitate staying together”.


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    mitchntx

    Sarcasm Sensei
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    Jan 15, 2012
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    Personally, I can’t recommend the therapist/counselor route. Tried that once didn’t work... just cost money (for nothing). Of course, it probably didn’t help to allow the ex- to select the therapist lady, who turned out to be a “man hater”, in her own right!

    Counseling has it's place. It's been my experience that it's for personal growth and not for group growth.

    Counseling for one is difficult enough because it requires open, honest, precise communication. Going with a second person, who I am at "odds" with and have history with, compounds those traits exponentially.

    YVMV
     

    Texas42

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    Personally, I can’t recommend the therapist/counselor route. Tried that once didn’t work... just cost money (for nothing). Of course, it probably didn’t help to allow the ex- to select the therapist lady, who turned out to be a “man hater”, in her own right!

    There are good counselors and bad ones.

    A good one will get the dirty laundry out and have you guys talking about the real issues.

    The OP needs good professional advise, and needed it like years ago.
     

    Mowingmaniac 24/7

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    After 12 years and one child, my first marriage went south.

    We divorced.

    It didn't leave me bitter.

    Until this thread, I rarely ever think about her, but many seem to still stew over their ex. even after many, many years have elapsed.

    Please, don't do this to yourself.

    Forgetting is the best medicine.

    Been happily married now over 40 years.
     

    ROGER4314

    Been Called "Flash" Since I Was A Kid!
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    Jul 11, 2009
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    I've seen, heard your story many times. The names were different, but the play is the same. She has found a better deal or is searching for one. There is nothing you can do, but get out and make a better life for yourself.

    Because your child is important to you, she will use her to hurt you. I take NO pleasure in telling you that. Your wife will hurt you as badly as she can and they don't play fair!

    Yes, I had 7 years of marital "bliss" and experienced the full range of her treachery. There was lying, cheating, stealing, and treachery, but it wasn't me doing that.

    Once she started her cruelty, the Court system assisted her and finally enabled her to steal my son. She left the state of residence and the legal system sucked up every Dollar I had.

    My advice? Get the Hell OUT before she destroys you! She won't change!

    God bless you.

    Flash
     

    Axxe55

    Retiretgtshit stirrer
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    Dec 15, 2019
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    Lost in East Texas Elhart Texas
    After 12 years and one child, my first marriage went south.

    We divorced.

    It didn't leave me bitter.

    Until this thread, I rarely ever think about her, but many seem to still stew over their ex. even after many, many years have elapsed.

    Please, don't do this to yourself.

    Forgetting is the best medicine.

    Been happily married now over 40 years.

    After my first ex-wife, it took some time to get past the hate, the anger and the hurt. I guess it's part of the healing.

    A couple of good things did come from my divorces, and part of why I don't forget them is that it makes me appreciate my current wife so much more, and before she came along, the things that I wouldn't tolerate in a relationship and my being happy was the most important thing. I would rather be single and happy, than married and miserable.

    Another reason, I use them as education tools for situations just like this! And enough years have now passed, I can actually laugh about them whem I do talk about my ex-wives.
     

    Axxe55

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    Dec 15, 2019
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    If not for significant counseling about a decade ago, Mrs Pronstar and I would be divorced.

    It helped us to save our marriage...YMMV

    One note:
    Our counselor went in with a blank slate. She basically said “let’s go thru this and see what the best outcome will be. If a divorce is in your best interests, I can facilitate that. And if there’s something worth salvaging, I can facilitate staying together”.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro

    Counseling works if both parties want to save the marriage. And a good counselor can save a marriage, or give the couple the tools to save their marriage.

    If only one party wants the save the marriage, then the money spent on a counselor is wasted, and better spent on a lawyer.

    About two years into our marriage, Mrs. Axxe and I went through a really rough time, and we almost divorced. We were actually separated for about four months, and we used our preacher as a counselor. It put our marriage back on track. I don't think either is really wanted to divorce. So sixteen years later, it seems to be working!
     

    deemus

    my mama says I'm special
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    It takes 2 to tango. Aka- there are 2 sides of the story.

    Makes sure ya'll air it out with a 3rd party that is neutral, aka therapist.

    This decision will mean that your kids would/could come under the rule of another man.

    There is only one pair of pants in a marriage. One leg is for you, the other leg is for her.

    Have ya'll gotten away from the kids and had a vacation/weekend together?

    Beat me to it. Try counseling before you split up. Marriage takes effort.
     

    rotor

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    My parents were divorced when I was about 8-9. Kids handle it. Summer with my dad and his new family, rest of year with mother. Great relationship with my 2 half brothers.

    I tried to hold a marriage together coming from a childhood with divorce but it just didn't work. Therapist BS in my opinion. If you don't think you want to spend the rest of your life with your partner that's it. Move on but try not to fight. Work things out with as little lawyer input as possible. Find happiness again. One third of marriages are good, one third are not and 1/3 may be just people tolerating each other.

    Life is too short to spend all of it with the wrong person.
     

    Axxe55

    Retiretgtshit stirrer
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    Dec 15, 2019
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    Lost in East Texas Elhart Texas
    My parents were divorced when I was about 8-9. Kids handle it. Summer with my dad and his new family, rest of year with mother. Great relationship with my 2 half brothers.

    I tried to hold a marriage together coming from a childhood with divorce but it just didn't work. Therapist BS in my opinion. If you don't think you want to spend the rest of your life with your partner that's it. Move on but try not to fight. Work things out with as little lawyer input as possible. Find happiness again. One third of marriages are good, one third are not and 1/3 may be just people tolerating each other.

    Life is too short to spend all of it with the wrong person.

    For the most part, I agree with you. A counselor only works if BOTH want to save the marriage. If only one does, then yes therapy, or counseling is BS. It ain't going to work.

    With a child from the marriage, lawyers are going to be involved. No way around it that I know of.
     

    pronstar

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    Counseling works if both parties want to save the marriage. And a good counselor can save a marriage, or give the couple the tools to save their marriage.

    If only one party wants the save the marriage, then the money spent on a counselor is wasted, and better spent on a lawyer.

    About two years into our marriage, Mrs. Axxe and I went through a really rough time, and we almost divorced. We were actually separated for about four months, and we used our preacher as a counselor. It put our marriage back on track. I don't think either is really wanted to divorce. So sixteen years later, it seems to be working!

    For sure, totally agree

    I will say that, at least for me, I didn’t go to counseling with the intent to save or not save our marriage.

    I went in just trying to get open, non-confrontational lines of communication with Mrs Pronstar.

    I figured whichever way things went, discussing things in a respectful manner would pay dividends for staying together, or getting divorced.

    Comms are sooo important.
    I didn’t have good role modes for this, so I had a lot to learn...and I’m a better person/husband because of it.

    Someone posted that marriage is hard work.
    Damn right it is...and that’s another lesson I learned from counseling.




    In my previous life. I was extremely quick to ditch a relationship versus having those hard conversations that sometimes need to happen.

    I developed the skill of being able to walk away without hesitation, without remorse. Literally removing people from my life became easy...too easy.

    I will tel you, this is not admirable and it sucks. I still struggle with it.




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    robertc1024

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    20   0   0
    Jan 22, 2013
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    Mrs. C an and i went through a rough spot a while ago. Went to a counselor. Turned out to be a neutral place to vent, which was personally, greatly better than the silent treatment, or a facsimile there of. As Pron said, comms are important. Celebrating 32 years in a week and a half. Happy as a clam.
     

    Axxe55

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    Dec 15, 2019
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    There are many things that are important to making a marriage work. Communication is a big one, along with trust. A successful and happy marriage are lots of hard work and sacrifices.
     

    Axxe55

    Retiretgtshit stirrer
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    Dec 15, 2019
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    Lost in East Texas Elhart Texas
    Mrs. C an and i went through a rough spot a while ago. Went to a counselor. Turned out to be a neutral place to vent, which was personally, greatly better than the silent treatment, or a facsimile there of. As Pron said, comms are important. Celebrating 32 years in a week and a half. Happy as a clam.

    Congrats on 32 years!
     

    deemus

    my mama says I'm special
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    My parents were divorced when I was about 8-9. Kids handle it. S.


    Kids often get wrecked by divorce. I know a few in their 50's and 60's that still struggle with:

    Why wasn't I good enough for them to stay together?

    What could I have done to make them separate?

    Self esteem issues galore.
     
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