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The Journey to the Perfect Steak!

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  • jordanmills

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    Sep 29, 2009
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    Pearland, TX
    They ain't getting that from me! Hell I can buy an entire cow for that!
    Then you should stay home. I don't mean to sound snarky and be a jackass - that's a good price for a good dinner at a good steakhouse, and if paying that would affect your enjoyment of the experience then you should find a way to have steak you prefer better, like at home. I'll bet that the owner of any reputable steakhouse would tell you the same thing, in a sincere effort to encourage you to find the steak dinner that you'd enjoy most.
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    Army 1911

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    Mar 17, 2008
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    Dallas Texas or so
    Alright you primitive screwheads, listen up.

    Properly cooking a steak is about diversity and purity. You want a diversity of doneness, and purity of taste. Doneness should range from charred black on the very tips of the exterior to the smallest bit of rare and mooing on the inside. Purity means you want the taste of the steak and the grill and nothing else - if you want a different taste, make a flavored hamburger patty (no shame in it, just don't waste a good steak by covering its taste with artificial flavor).

    Purity first. Flavors you can use are steak. Salt is not a flavor, salt enhances flavor (as long as you don't use too much). You might need to oil the grill or the steak, but you should use a neutral high temperature oil like safflower or grapeseed. None of this marinade, Worcestershire, montreal seasoning, or whatever. I have a very special set of skills, and I will use them to find you and come slap you around if you do that. If you use only a small amount of freshly cracked pepper, I will probably look the other way... but no promises.

    There are a few ways to get the doneness right. Ideally, you will be intimately familiar with your grill and know exactly what temperature it cooks at (at least by feel, not necessarily by number), so that you know exactly how long a steak of a given thickness needs to be on it. Then you cheat. Get a probe thermometer, stick it right through the side of the steak until it's at least a third of the way in. Set it to 125 F. But before you do that, cheat again. Take your fresh steak (never frozen), pat it dry, sprinkle it with kosher salt, seal it in a vacuum bag, and Put it in a hot water bath. That is, sous vide, at 120 F, for about two hours. The exact time will depend on several factors, and you just have to learn how to tell how long it will be. After the time, open it up, pat it dry again, and lightly salt it. Then stick the thermometer up its arse. Once your done with those cheats, fire your grill up as hot as you can get it and drop the steak on. After thirty seconds, pick it up and rotate it 90 degrees. That's how you get those pretty grill marks on it. After about two minutes, flip it over, then another thirty seconds, then rotate 90 degrees, then about another two minutes. That's all it needs to cook. The thermometer will help you out with the exact time. If it takes much longer than that, you messed something up with the grill or you are overcooking your steak and we should put you on the grill instead.

    That's all there is to doneness. Now you need to let it rest. That lets the temperature curve pass its inflection point and all of the denaturing proteins will fall back to the next highest order. Some people will give you nonsense about "sealing in flavor" or "redistributing juices", but it's easy to show how those are bunk - it's all about letting the proteins set. Five minutes should be enough, maybe ten for a big steak. This should be done in a warm oven (225 at most) or on the counter, with the steak tented with foil or a metal dome, but with nothing touching it on top.

    At this point, you might put a dab of salted butter on top of it, but it had better be good butter. Serve with a glass of bourbon and a cigar for dessert.
    Alright you primitive screwheads, listen up.

    Properly cooking a steak is about diversity and purity. You want a diversity of doneness, and purity of taste. Doneness should range from charred black on the very tips of the exterior to the smallest bit of rare and mooing on the inside. Purity means you want the taste of the steak and the grill and nothing else - if you want a different taste, make a flavored hamburger patty (no shame in it, just don't waste a good steak by covering its taste with artificial flavor).

    Purity first. Flavors you can use are steak. Salt is not a flavor, salt enhances flavor (as long as you don't use too much). You might need to oil the grill or the steak, but you should use a neutral high temperature oil like safflower or grapeseed. None of this marinade, Worcestershire, montreal seasoning, or whatever. I have a very special set of skills, and I will use them to find you and come slap you around if you do that. If you use only a small amount of freshly cracked pepper, I will probably look the other way... but no promises.

    There are a few ways to get the doneness right. Ideally, you will be intimately familiar with your grill and know exactly what temperature it cooks at (at least by feel, not necessarily by number), so that you know exactly how long a steak of a given thickness needs to be on it. Then you cheat. Get a probe thermometer, stick it right through the side of the steak until it's at least a third of the way in. Set it to 125 F. But before you do that, cheat again. Take your fresh steak (never frozen), pat it dry, sprinkle it with kosher salt, seal it in a vacuum bag, and Put it in a hot water bath. That is, sous vide, at 120 F, for about two hours. The exact time will depend on several factors, and you just have to learn how to tell how long it will be. After the time, open it up, pat it dry again, and lightly salt it. Then stick the thermometer up its arse. Once your done with those cheats, fire your grill up as hot as you can get it and drop the steak on. After thirty seconds, pick it up and rotate it 90 degrees. That's how you get those pretty grill marks on it. After about two minutes, flip it over, then another thirty seconds, then rotate 90 degrees, then about another two minutes. That's all it needs to cook. The thermometer will help you out with the exact time. If it takes much longer than that, you messed something up with the grill or you are overcooking your steak and we should put you on the grill instead.

    That's all there is to doneness. Now you need to let it rest. That lets the temperature curve pass its inflection point and all of the denaturing proteins will fall back to the next highest order. Some people will give you nonsense about "sealing in flavor" or "redistributing juices", but it's easy to show how those are bunk - it's all about letting the proteins set. Five minutes should be enough, maybe ten for a big steak. This should be done in a warm oven (225 at most) or on the counter, with the steak tented with foil or a metal dome, but with nothing touching it on top.

    At this point, you might put a dab of salted butter on top of it, but it had better be good butter. Serve with a glass of bourbon and a cigar for dessert.
    Sous vide is French for tastes shitty.

    You don't need your "special skills" to find me. Richardson is on the map.
     

    jordanmills

    TGT Addict
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    Sep 29, 2009
    5,371
    96
    Pearland, TX
    Sous vide is French for tastes shitty.

    You don't need your "special skills" to find me. Richardson is on the map.
    Sounds like you need to find someone who can do more than blindly follow a video of the latest fad on the internet. Sous vide is overused lately, but it is very good in the few applications where it is appropriate when it is done right.
     

    Axxe55

    Retiretgtshit stirrer
    Rating - 0%
    0   0   0
    Dec 15, 2019
    47,021
    96
    Lost in East Texas Elhart Texas
    Then you should stay home. I don't mean to sound snarky and be a jackass - that's a good price for a good dinner at a good steakhouse, and if paying that would affect your enjoyment of the experience then you should find a way to have steak you prefer better, like at home. I'll bet that the owner of any reputable steakhouse would tell you the same thing, in a sincere effort to encourage you to find the steak dinner that you'd enjoy most.

    I understand what you're saying, and I'm not insulted. I would never spend that sort of money for any meal, regardless of who cooked it, or how good it was. My tastes have never been that expensive.

    But I don't begrudge anyone that would and can afford such a meal. There are just things I would rather spend my money on that that.
     

    jordanmills

    TGT Addict
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    0   0   0
    Sep 29, 2009
    5,371
    96
    Pearland, TX
    Funny my chef buddy never mentined Sous vide. I do remember when he was experimenting with molecular gastronomy.
    He wouldn't use it for steaks in a real commercial kitchen - he'd have a grill that can put out more BTUs than you could get piped into your house. In this case, it's a crutch for a home cook who has a home grill that can't put out as much heat. Sous vide is completely inappropriate for pretty much any other use case for beef steak.
     
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