Out Of context Quote Thread

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  • craigntx

    Masta Copypasta
    Rating - 100%
    6   0   0
    Jun 25, 2010
    3,258
    96
    Cypress, Tejas
    I had a testicle amputated and a piece of my ass-skin grafted onto my dick to replace a chunk that was ballistically amputated when a mopey 19 year old, angry he had to carry a SAW and a mortar baseplate (baseplate was punishment for a previous fuckup), nd’d said SAW while clearing it improperly behind me. A single round had been left in the chamber, somehow, and knicked the inside of my left thigh before hitting my scrotum and the tip of my dick before finding its final resting place in our squad’s tv, ruining a game of black ops zombies and nearly killing another mopey 19 year old. I did not get a Purple Heart but I did get to do a bunch of ketamine, which was nice. Not so nice is that I couldn’t get a boner for three years and spent my entire second deployment unable to Jack off.

    My family and friends think I don’t tell war stories because I saw some awful shit and it changed me. Aside from the morons I loved the army though, loved afghanistan and living in a shitty plywood and dirt bunker and shitting in a 55 gallon drum. It’s like camping but every now and then you get to drop a mortar on some fool who doesn’t know how to read. I don’t tell war stories because I feel like people won’t understand how I can find things like this so funny, and think I’m a freak.

    Thanks for letting me share.
     

    ZX9RCAM

    Over the Rainbow bridge...
    TGT Supporter
    Lifetime Member
    Rating - 100%
    2   0   0
    May 14, 2008
    59,732
    96
    The Woodlands, Tx.
    I had a testicle amputated and a piece of my ass-skin grafted onto my dick to replace a chunk that was ballistically amputated when a mopey 19 year old, angry he had to carry a SAW and a mortar baseplate (baseplate was punishment for a previous fuckup), nd’d said SAW while clearing it improperly behind me. A single round had been left in the chamber, somehow, and knicked the inside of my left thigh before hitting my scrotum and the tip of my dick before finding its final resting place in our squad’s tv, ruining a game of black ops zombies and nearly killing another mopey 19 year old. I did not get a Purple Heart but I did get to do a bunch of ketamine, which was nice. Not so nice is that I couldn’t get a boner for three years and spent my entire second deployment unable to Jack off.

    My family and friends think I don’t tell war stories because I saw some awful shit and it changed me. Aside from the morons I loved the army though, loved afghanistan and living in a shitty plywood and dirt bunker and shitting in a 55 gallon drum. It’s like camping but every now and then you get to drop a mortar on some fool who doesn’t know how to read. I don’t tell war stories because I feel like people won’t understand how I can find things like this so funny, and think I’m a freak.

    Thanks for letting me share.

    Just damn....
     

    craigntx

    Masta Copypasta
    Rating - 100%
    6   0   0
    Jun 25, 2010
    3,258
    96
    Cypress, Tejas
    There's a homeless guy who wears a trenchcoat and carries around part of a shovel handle kind of like a staff. Some college kid decided to buy him a wizard hat because he sort of looks like Gandalf in his get up, and he told him he'll give him a dollar every time he sees him wearing the wizard hat. He's now dubbed hobo-gandalf and everyone knows him from cops to medics to ER staff and especially the mental health facility. He's completely batshit insane. The first time I met him he was screaming on his phone on a street corner sitting on his staff that was half in the ground and half pressing on his b-hole. I checked on him to see why he was yelling and he got startled and fell off the staff, he then promptly jumped up and yelled "YOU MADE ME SHIT MY PANTS ASSHOLE" The shovel handle was apparently keeping his diarrhea in his bunghole. He then proceeded to yell on his phone to his "lawyer" that a cop just made him shit his pants and how he needed me sued ASAP. Now every time he sees me he yells at me and tells me I was fired on April the 17th for making him shit his pants and that he's going to collect all the pay for this time that I've been working for free. I'm kind of skeptical but idk how good his lawyer really is, I mean I did make him shit his pants.

    Goodnight guise.
     

    Southpaw

    Forum BSer
    Rating - 100%
    14   0   0
    Mar 30, 2009
    17,862
    96
    Guadalupe Co.
    giphy.gif
     

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    baboon

    TGT Addict
    Rating - 100%
    4   0   0
    May 6, 2008
    22,447
    96
    Out here by the lake!
    I had a testicle amputated and a piece of my ass-skin grafted onto my dick to replace a chunk that was ballistically amputated when a mopey 19 year old, angry he had to carry a SAW and a mortar baseplate (baseplate was punishment for a previous fuckup), nd’d said SAW while clearing it improperly behind me. A single round had been left in the chamber, somehow, and knicked the inside of my left thigh before hitting my scrotum and the tip of my dick before finding its final resting place in our squad’s tv, ruining a game of black ops zombies and nearly killing another mopey 19 year old. I did not get a Purple Heart but I did get to do a bunch of ketamine, which was nice. Not so nice is that I couldn’t get a boner for three years and spent my entire second deployment unable to Jack off.

    My family and friends think I don’t tell war stories because I saw some awful shit and it changed me. Aside from the morons I loved the army though, loved afghanistan and living in a shitty plywood and dirt bunker and shitting in a 55 gallon drum. It’s like camping but every now and then you get to drop a mortar on some fool who doesn’t know how to read. I don’t tell war stories because I feel like people won’t understand how I can find things like this so funny, and think I’m a freak.

    Thanks for letting me share.
    Phuc with a story like that hard to believe you didn't get a shot at making porn like John Bobbet!
     

    Southpaw

    Forum BSer
    Rating - 100%
    14   0   0
    Mar 30, 2009
    17,862
    96
    Guadalupe Co.
    Just cant get the ass end in though.

    Grease the jamb and push. The payoff will be worth the effort. :roflfunny:
    tenor.gif


    I’m looking for a Romanian dong

    Sure, but can you handle it?

    3aa0144f20f806f7c74a4a54a10c82f5.png


    (You don't know how long I've been waiting for that term to migrate over to here from the AK boards)
    :banana:
     

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